I was tipsy and determined to get it in.
The last time I saw him we ended that night at a 24/7 diner, eating brunch at 2 a.m. Ravenous we had everything from steak and eggs, sides of bacon, pancakes, disco fries, beef skitters…I switched between martini’s and mimosas, interrogating our waiter.
“Sir, sir, do you think my eyes are wide set or average? Because look…” Moving my fingers across my face to demonstrate measurements. This man had no idea what I was talking about.
“See I think they are wide set by a smidge, but I really just can’t tell.”
At this point we both started laughing so hard. Poor man with a smile plastered on his face, nodding along. I don’t think he spoke that much english and I was clearly drunk and stoned. It truly was a pleasant evening, filled with laughter, the kind that makes your stomach hurt, leaving you with an everlasting joy that rolls into the next day. Proclamations were made:
“Fuck Soul Plane and fuck Kevin Hart for that. Aerodynamically that plane would never take off, it makes no sense,” I said vehemently. “Look at the front of that plane! It’s too big. I felt like that when the movie came out, I feel like that now.”
“I wish I knew you as a kid, you just never know what you’re gonna say next. I can only imagine when you had no filter.”
As a healer, I believed god put me in this mans path to do just that. To help him transition to a more positive space. When my friend sent congrats gifs on getting it, I told her it ended up being a therapy session. So I was determined on this night.
Don’t get me wrong this man wasn’t about shit, he lied, he omitted, he was a felon and a plethora of other things. However, he was also chiseled, hot and looked damn good in boxer briefs. I wanted to be ravished and dominated, not get married.
He sensed this, so he tried to make me jealous by saying he’d been with other women since his break up. “You’re not my boyfriend, I don’t care, take your clothes off.” He was so insecure, berating himself about his imaginary small penis, saying he had a complex. Just so much talking and not enough action. His penis wasn’t small and if this was him out of shape…I mean he must have had body dysmorphia.
I wanted to keep going after round one, but he was determined to make these drugs deals, asking if I wanted to come. He made more than enough to transition into a different line of work. He loved the lifestyle, he loved chaos and above all else he loved drama.
I saw all the red flags…this man was off… this became very apparent on our last date.
Which demons are you gonna exercise tonight? Choose your partner. I use to be OBSESSED with Brian Jones, like literally hundreds of pictures saved on my laptop. Anita Pallenberg should be in this. Photo: Stones Vintage
This sums up my decade, falling and falling, then soaring into the sky. Rising from the ashes a Phoenix. I’m so proud of the woman I’ve become, got rid of toxic people and will be entering the decade clearing more out of my timeline. Are you falling or flying?
He was quick to the draw, but I was quicker.
I knew what I wanted from this.
I’m a woman not a girl.
I never told him Denise saw a text from his GF fly across the screen: Got you another one huh. A statement, not even a question, after legit 14 ignored calls in a row.
This man is a liar, a cheater and a hot ass mess. Which is all fine for a fling.
He sent an Uber.
I decided on Thai food.
When I got there he was, five empty vials deep with more lines on his dresser top, in. Once upon a time this was heaven, but I had no desire.
I was an accidental mistress and a blessing. He and his girlfriend fought all the time, for sure verbally and although he never said it, I felt physically. Denise concluded she was crazy, based on his story that she cheated on him first. I didn’t believe him.
This man was on a bender and losing his mind, snorting snow every thirty seconds. His pain was visible, permeating the room. It was hard to witness. I couldn’t in good consciousness try to hook up. Eyes rimmed with tears, he could barely speak without choking up. After probing for the truth, eureka. He did in fact initiate the cheating aspect of their relationship. A house call that turned out to be his ex girlfriend, he ended up double dipping. To cover his tracks he tried to turn it into a threesome. Jealous of how open his gf was to it, he changed his mind. The two women ended up becoming great friends, with his ex never revealing their betrayal. In a fit of paranoia he exposed himself. The trust never returned.
“Sooooo you let her become friends with someone you cheated on her with? Like an idiot. That’s seriously fucked up. You deserve this. Learn from this, be a better human and everything will be okay.”
He hugged me, the scruff of his beard smelling like… a woman. Disgusting. Eventually we found our way out of his Essex street, exposed brick apartment. We went to Drop Off Service for a drink and a deal. He was mad, due to all the moving expenses he couldn’t send his driver out to do his runs. If so he’d take a 30% cut.
“I just made $400.”
He wanted me to be impressed, he paid for his girlfriends entire lifestyle with his seedy profession. Bringing me to the apartment, talking money, he thought he could buy me.
That night he told me he loved me. I sat silent, so he said it again. This was my third time meeting him…
My mouth is hanging open. I am in love with everything going on here. Down to the accessories. Cardiac arrest. Do you love them or love em, or hate em? Photo: Rowi Singh Nails By: Mannequin Hands
Raise your hand if you have baby hairs? This is such a cute baby hair aesthetic. Photo: Untitled Inspiration
Lirika Matoshi is quickly becoming one of my favorite designers. LOVE this signature cloud like design. To even make tulle this chic is no small feat.
In love with Emily Ratajkowski’s Figure Earrings. Anything that praises the female form, which has been degraded for far too long. The shape was created by her father. Same for the cheekbones. Do you love em? Photos: Foxy Emrata
There was nothing serious for me about this relationship. Hello, he’s a drug dealer, I mean…duh. As a writer and a YOLO advocate I love experiencing as much as possible. My friend wanted me to keep seeing him for the free party favors. I’d been there done that, but all of this was new for her. When I found out I did E (which I hadn’t done since 18) on top of everything else, I was impressed. I still got it. Cara would have had a heart attack, but I was a connoisseur and a rockstar.
We were suppose to go to lunch on Monday when he vanished. It was abrupt. I was convinced my ex boss got rid of him, as he had countless others. Cara decided to use a text free number, she wanted to hang on Halloween. Indifferent, I didn’t mind not seeing him again.
“Meet me at Verlaine 8pm sharp.”
“Who the hell is this?” He replied.
“Sir, we have business to attend to, just meet me there.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t have messages from you prior. Fuck Outta here.”
He started messaging me again saying my former boss had nothing to do with his disappearance, he was just self-absorbed. Cara took it upon herself to message him using her real identity, without my permission, asking him about it. We met up for my friend Denise’s birthday. Boy did things take a turn. I won’t go into the full details of that epic night. The one where I was reborn, but it ended with Denise discovering he had a girlfriend of five years that he lived with. This is what she told me as he sat between us, at some private party at the Soho Grand.
“Yeah I live with my girlfriend, but I’m courting your friend.”
A cheater AND a liar. I informed him I don’t hook up with taken men.
“By the way that was me and Cara messaging you about Verlaine,” I too had secrets.
“That was you?”
“Now I know why you were ignoring me.”
He just gawked astonished.
The next day he messaged me he left her and moved out.
I was irritated beyond belief. I called Denise, cursing her for not keeping the information until after I boned him. Now he was changing his life with the delusion of a happy ending that would never come. He messaged me everyday multiple times a day. He was obsessed.
“Let’s meet up for dinner, or you can come to my place and we can order in?”