Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

My dreams are the only place I find peace. After fighting with the demonic, fighting with the Illuminati, not going on vacation, the energy uploads with Mabon, a million different dramas etc…not to mention I have understandable trust issues, which I took a leap of faith on trusting Mick Jagger. He use to be really sweet, then his insecurities turned him into a monster, triggering all this distrust, when the reality is I do a lot for him and tolerate a lot because of him. No matter how great I am our relationship is imbalanced. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. When I ask for the same, since he broke my trust, with simple things, he doesn’t do it, as a way to hold power. If I don’t trust you I’m definitely not going on tour, or anywhere with you. I told him how to fix it and he hasn’t, all he does is complicate my already exhausting life. I don’t want to commit to someone who doesn’t hear me, especially when they owe me their life and reputation.

Our souls use to fix it in my dreams, but for the past month I haven’t seen him there. An actor has been in his place. The dreams aren’t sexual, just emotionally gratifying, romantic, fun, peaceful. It’s like a fairytale! I meet his family and they’re energy is infectious. This as of late is the only time I find true joy. Dreams are potent stuff. Not to mention he’s a sweetheart who tried to mediate our relationship for the world’s sake.

Being happy is important, especially to me. Anything that doesn’t make me happy, I will no longer tolerate. I don’t care who you are, or what’s at stake anymore. Someone who loves you wouldn’t rest until they made it up to you, not cause further distress. All of this not to lose me, except you’ve done exactly that. I cannot live like this, I’m taking back my power. I have two vacation ideas and invaluable lessons learned. Love is give and take, not just take. Actions speak louder than words. I’m putting myself first by any means necessary. Artist: Koketit

No Pain No Gain

Watching my mom completely depend on my stepdad financially, I never want to be in that position. Having someone have the final say. I wasn’t raised to be a feminist, I grew into one. I was taught to do laundry and the dishes, or how am I going to find a husband. That’s part of the why trusting someone to lead is difficult for me. Everything happens for a reason. Once this lesson is learned and the soul contract closed, I will still be vulnerable, but more assertive in my boundaries. Love is about balance and partnership, not power and control. I’ve seen it growing up and refuse to be a man’s accessory, equal partner, even if we play different roles, is it. I can be bitter, or trust in the universe having a better plan, I choose the latter. Do bad experiences inhibit you from opening yourself up again? How has that worked out? Via: Law Of Void

Sara Tam’s Wedding & The Meaning Of True Love

Sara Donnatin (neé Tam) has been my friend since I was ten years old. She is one of the most important people in my life, she is my family. Growing up we have been through so much and in the past few years due to tumultuous and evil events I haven’t been there for her the way she deserved. I didn’t get a chance to see her in Hong Kong, nor go to her going away party. Now that my life is close to stabilizing (once my final transactions with Mick Jagger are completed) I can show up. Her wedding day is the most important day of her life. Mick Jagger wanted to be the star of the show, by not showing up, but really he’s just an asshole. One time he disappeared for 24 hours just to be the center of my attention. When I go out with friends he does the same. I wanted to take Christina to the wedding, but Mick (Micheal was a boyfriend thing, he’s simply Mick now) insisted on coming. He knew how important this was for me, so he made it another one of his power plays and I’m happy he did. He didn’t deserve to experience that moment and I will never forgive him for making me miss her ceremony, because Sara’s wedding is about her NOT you. I have my own life and it doesn’t revolve around you. To make me an accessory to your life is dehumanizing, to ruin something for the people I love is never going to fly with me. He then had the nerve to say his kids, who are “all about family,” but allowed Naomi Campbell and a slew of people to override his (literally he’s the only reason any of you are relevant, but you know more…) opinions, would grow to love me when I said I didn’t feel comfortable around them. Most disappointing is his black child, despite most of them being older than me, the intellect factor says otherwise. They didn’t feel the need to look into me because I’m a black woman, it’s conditioned racism. My life was on full display, my connections, the events, my stories. There’s NO excuse for their abhorrent behavior especially when I’ve constantly saved them. I don’t care if people who presented themselves as low grade humans love me, I don’t know if I can feel that way about them. Again, after how I was treated they thought I needed to be in their favor, you need to be in mine. They aren’t Denzel Washington’s son, adding to his legacy, forging a path of their own. I didn’t even know John David Washington was his son, because his work speaks first. They’re socialites who get opportunities based on Mick, living under his legacy not adding to it.

What I learned at that wedding is true love exist:
-It’s going to your friends wedding and having every member of their family hold you, because you’re grown up now.
-It’s about the people who passed making you cry, because you grew up together.
-It’s having a self-absorbed rockstar trying to make himself the star of someone else’s day by sabotage and jumping over every hurdle, because nothing was going to stop you from being there. Not Uber, not Mick Jagger, not every hotel being booked so you had to Airbnb (which I didn’t even sleep in, I passed out at my friends hotel), not my phone being left in the taxi (which I got back) NOTHING, not even my own sob story was going to take away Poot’s big day.
-It’s finding home in the people you grew up with, no matter the time or distance.
-It’s about always being there for each other, even when our parent’s weren’t (that part of Gossip Girl is true).
-It’s about Lady standing in a field screaming at the sky and me asking Irene who she’s talking to and her saying honestly the moon. Sometimes she goes out on their home balcony and yells at the moon. “What are you looking at, you never say anything, just stare, say something!” It’s about us pulling Lady from the moon so we could go to sleep.
-It’s about accepting everything about one another in a partnership and working together on what needs to change, showing up for each other (even if you have to go to war with yourself, because letting the people you love down kills you) and reminding one another how extraordinary you are.
-It’s about jumping up and down on the dance floor with strangers, because you’re just happy that your friend is happy.

And from love I won’t accept anything less. You know how many rich men have pursued me? Countless. The only things that matter are the rarities, love (true love) and happiness. I look at all these people who have stalked me and they aren’t to be admired. They’re empty and miserable despite their wealth. My friends and I hold each other accountable, we call each other out, we get messy, we stand up for what’s right, we have fun anywhere.

As for me, I’m done having trust issues. I want a partner to share life with, otherwise everything is meaningless. And for those who choose to go solo, you’re your own partner. P.S Jerry Hall also gets a pass for her marriage, because of Mick Jagger, please don’t get twisted. I grew up on her aesthetic, but the truth hurts. Take the L.

* Yo I’m dead being nice right now. Y’all don’t want me to go in for real trust, you guys would cry. Don’t play with me. I wasn’t scouted, married from poverty, black magicked anyone, or pregnant by a married man, I grew up connected. I don’t turn a blind eye to morality to marry for money. My friends are multicultural unlike some. The only thing I’m guilty of is leaving Emerson one of the most prestigious liberal arts colleges (holla at my alumni) to pursue an artistic and entrepreneurial career. But I guess it’s sketchy because I’m a black woman (didn’t that girl tweet that Naomi was there, was it the girl who was at her adult party as as a teenager with her best friends?). Y’all scream feminism, but your identities revolve around Mick. I have pursuits I put on hold for his plan, don’t EVER come out your face about me. I’ll KO your asses hardcore. I was involved in celebrity drama before Mick. Most of all don’t fuck with my friends important day, that’s how important Sara Tam is to me, you were dragged courtesy of her. And if you don’t like my honesty and blunt way of speaking blame The Stones, Keith Richards most of all, that’s where I got it from. The irony. The rest of The Stones is why I’m not ruining you the way I’d like.


.

The Radiant Hour

Mother says- she hesitated uncertainly- mother says that two souls are sometimes created together and- and in love before they’re born.

Via: Toxic Kids Mag

What Are You Celebrating?

The things I am grateful for this holiday season:

  • True Love: Following all the signs to false flame after false flame I almost gave up. True love is rare and something that should never be taken for granted, of course you couldn’t get there without the next item.
  • Self-Love: Not seeking validation that you’re worthy from somewhere else. You cannot find true love without it. This is a hard task, since you have to go through so much trauma acceptance and healing, but definitely worth it. In the end you will find happiness in each day. You accept that you are complete but still a work in progress and there is nothing wrong with that, you’re human, imperfect by definition.
  • Boundaries: I have some extremely toxic people in my family and I’ve had some in my social circle (which I will address in my next post), kicking them to the curb has only allowed for better things to come. I use to hold on for far too long, now I have no problem dropping people. People have no right to disrespect you and believe they are owed eternal chances. Smear your shit somewhere else.
  • God: Always. Blessings and miracles aplenty.
  • My Gifts: At first I found it a burden, mostly because I didn’t understand it. Now seeing how many people I am able to help and energy I’m able to balance I feel fortunate that god would use bestow such a blessing on me. What are five things you are grateful for and why?

Via: Melanin Me Podcast

All The Good Things Are True

I flitted from soul to soul,
Hoping to find the soul that matches mine.

I almost gave up
But kept the faith and followed all of God’s signs.

With this belief I did win,
Finally finding my flame, my twin.

You are my reward and I must say,
I love you more and more everyday.

Romance Of Understanding

Something everyone seeks and it’s free. To be understood is literally the best thing ever; there’s a person who is not only hearing, but listening to you. A rarity. How many people in your life do you feel truly understand you? Does your partner understand you? Could you be more understanding in turn? Via: Girl With Writings

How To Spot True Love

Know the difference. Accepting fake love as true is unacceptable. You can do better. Then again you accept the love you think you deserve. Which category does your relationship fit into? Does it make you happy? If not, why do you think you deserve so little? Via: The Good Quote