The past two weeks have been a series of lessons, test, closing of karmic cycles and vibrational ascension.
On the gram I stumbled upon a photo of a basketball player, who’d gotten my number at Goldbar. At the time I worked in the restaurant downstairs in his building. He always paid with a black card, leaving me ample tip, even on take out food. All I did was pass him the bag. Our eyes always lingered too long.
In this photo his girlfriend sat on his lap. A woman who dated a male model, that also tried his hand with me. Both men were manipulated by my former boss. Every time, any time, anyone had interest in me, my boss, a rich, well connected man and his brother would stop it in it’s tracks. Even if a patron was flirting, he would see it on camera and send his brother down to end it.
I don’t know what they said to them, but the basketball player never looked at me the same. He stopped coming in as often. So when I saw that picture it made me angry, so angry that someone else made a choice for me. It wasn’t my boss’s place to take away my free will, to prevent me from dating anyone, to spy on me, to break into my social media, or the plethora of other toxic, controlling, behaviors he continues to do. I mistook it all for love. That he was showing a desire he couldn’t express. So I stayed and waited for years, believing in him, believing in us.
Until winter, when someone showed me what healthy love looks like. Let’s call him Shy Guy. That crying all the time, martyring myself, isn’t love. That what I had was a trauma bond, not a twin flame. Finally I was able to let go. Shy Guy saved me from myself, until Shy Guy started dating someone else.
You know what I did? I supported it. I would never want to do what my boss did to me. Unconditional love a concept I finally understand, that you just want the person to be happy no matter what. Not interfering, allowing that person free will, to make their own decisions. I was only meant to heal him and be freed.
Suddenly, I understood god, the creator, the source has given us the ability to choose as the ultimate display of unconditional love. The purest form. When you emit that frequency it comes back to you. Now everything I’ve been through makes sense to me.
Photo: Trust by Andhika Ramadhian
