Honestly, I have all this stuff I want to post, but I’ve been in a rut. At first I didn’t know how I was feeling, I just knew I felt funny near my naval. An emptiness, a void, a bad feeling. I could tell this was a problem of the energetic body and was able to identify the culprit, an imbalanced sacral chakra.
The sacral chakra is feminine, it’s element is water, it’s in charge of creativity, emotions, relationships, sexuality and intimacy. My ability to create, my energy levels, my feelings of intimacy are fucked up thanks to my ex. Finding out that Mick Jagger was holding me hostage, while vacationing with his new girlfriend added a new level of betrayal. Like he really just wanted to hurt me, when I saved his life and genuinely loved him. He went as far as setting my job up to destroy my finances. It takes a lot to hurt my feelings, but that did it.
I have trust issues, especially after being stalked by Genc Jakupi for half a decade. What hurts is I confided in Mick regarding it all, telling him I didn’t want a relationship. Instead he rushed me, knowing I idolized him. I pushed myself to trust him, worked really hard to open up, took a risk, and he wasn’t worth it. He left me more traumatized and it was just unnecessary. I wanted to part ways amicably, instead he refused to give me what he owed, and tried to incarcerate me. He chose to damage me further, mentally and emotionally, instead of letting us both move on in a respectful manner. After I told him he should find someone who suits him.
He misses me, because I’m a good girlfriend. He let everyone get in his ear, instead of believing in me, and punished me for being a good person. I would never do that. He’s the most toxic boyfriend I’ve ever had. We went from fiancés to divorced, no marriage, but I’m the one wielding a knife on Hackney Diamonds. I know the album and kicking his kids out of the will is his way of making amends, but he left no room for me to ever trust him again, even as a friend. He left no stone unturned in betraying me. There was nothing he wasn’t willing to do to cause me pain. That’s what hurts. I wouldn’t do a fraction of that stuff to him. I didn’t. I saved his racist family after they treated me terribly, to spare him pain. He was my best friend. I lost someone I loved and the person I admired all my life.
Now I have to pop out these divine children, so the world doesn’t end and I don’t even trust anyone. It’s just so much pressure. I don’t even want to try to love again right now. There’s so much ill intent and evil in this world, it’s disgusting.
Today I feel better after doing a sacral cleanse yoga routine. I was able to process my feelings, reaffirming that if someone doesn’t treat me with respect I’m out. Our society has created and enabled toxic masculinity. We really need to reconnect these “men” with their emotions, this behavior is not okay. Mick is a product of his environment. Without thinking too much about it, what does being a man mean to you? What traits and behaviors are qualifiers of being a man? Write it down, look it over, is our view healthy, a safe space for others? Via: Mairi_Design_Studio & Cosmic Ajna
