No Filter With Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell launched her YouTube series and her first guest was Cindy Crawford. A great way to know your favorite celebrities on an intimate level. My favorite so far is her interview with Marc Jacobs. The level of art history and iconography he possesses, the fact that they both have so much integrity, to sacrifice for their artistic careers, because being famous for being famous is so vapid. True innovators who will leave a legacy worth cherishing behind. In this world of influencers and celebrisites (a word I made up and will expound on) it was a refreshing reminder of true talent. To know how much Marc Jacobs suffered for his artistry, taking risk and getting fired from Perry Ellis signals to artist, stay true to yourself, endure your hardships and you will persevere. Thank you both for illuminating the lives of so many and confirming there are levels to this shit. Photo: Lumiere Naturelle

5 Big Booty Judy Problems

Puberty hit early for me. I developed in the fourth grade and contrary to my own beliefs, I was a double d by eighth. However breast are irrelevant, this is about the bum. Here are five problems only Big Booty Judy’s understand:

The Accused: Where’s the remote? Where’s my cellphone? Let the persecution begin. There you are minding your business, when a disgruntle, frustrated searcher demands you stand up. Get up, you’re probably sitting on it. Personally offended. “I’m so sick of you guys accusing me, I would feel it. It’s not always under my butt!” Get up, they say stoic and certain.

Gravitational Force: Yes bitch, you were sitting on the remote and the cellphone (been losing the controller since 97′). For some reason beyond physics, logic and comprehension, if certain items are near your bum it will disappear. That booty is a gravitational force field on it’s own. Next time, and there will be a next time, just get the hell up, you’re wrong.

Pushing Cushion: You don’t feel anything when you have all that ass. Legit the cushion feels no pushing, so you genuinely believe that there’s nothing underneath you, sometimes you don’t even feel an ass slap.

Belted Bum: Finding a pair of pants that fits your donk, dope! Until you realize how much space is in the waist. Tailoring your jeans becomes a must if you’re not a belt owner. My trick is buying jeans from Uniqlo, they are like denim jeggings that contort to your shape. If you have any other brands that do this let me know.

Cheeky Short Shorts: Those cute cutoffs that small to flat booty girls wear are a no for you boo boo. When you have a lot of back those types of shorts make you look hookerish, for lack of a better word. In some instances it works, at the beach, maybe a cookout, never with kids or cops around. Lest you look like you’re soliciting.

Did I miss anything? What would you add to this list? Photo: Nicki Minaj

Are You Toxic?

You’re jealous of your actual friends.
You want to see them do well, but not better than you.
You only like them when they’re down, it makes you feel superior.
You take your insecurities out on them.
You root against them secretly, not for them.
When your friends accomplish something you think “why them not me?”
You’re competitive, their success has to be outshined by something you’ve done.

Is their something I’m forgetting? Friendship is important, these people are your tribe. I’ve have so many toxic friends, who love me when I’m down and pray I fall when I’m up. Be honest with yourself, it’s the only way to change it. Have you exhibited any of these behaviors?

Benefits Of A Citrus Aesthetic

Stay healthy with a daily dose of citrus. Boosts your immune system, fights off colds and infections, prevents cancer, keeps your skin moist and is filled with essential vitamins. What’s the last citrus fruit you ate? When? Health is wealth, your body is a temple, the coronavirus is a great reminder of that.

Photos:
Eva Woolridge
Richard Kalvar
Gab Bois
Nana Yaw Oduro
Evelyn Hofer

MA: A Comedy Classic

“Don’t go upstairs.”
The only rule at Ma’s house and what an ominous warning it was. When I saw the preview I knew it was going to be about b.s., but I’m always up for a good scare. Right? It’s so hard to be genuinely terrified, we are the most desensitized era ever, been there, seen that. Gone are the days of The Exorcist, where a spinning green head, the devil and a ton of vomit paralyzed one with fear. Gone are the days where the blurry first hand footage of The Blair Witch Project was enough to send the world in a tizzy, was it real? Are these actors?

Jordan Peele’s psychological thrillers are Hitchcock worthy. Ma coming from the same wheelhouse, Blumhouse Productions, ensured me that it would hold up to the same fear factor. Every horror Peele makes leaves me feeling eerie. I missed Ma in theaters, so I was ecstatic when it became available on HBO GO.

Where do I begin?

Ma is asked by a group of high school kids to buy booze. Around the second time, she invites them to party safely in her basement. As usual nobody listens to the black one, who said we don’t know this woman, we shouldn’t go to her house. This is why black people in scary movies are misrepresented. As a culture we are easily spooked and know when some shit don’t feel right. Out voted, they proceed to follow her through the woods to her home. From hang one sis exhibited off behavior, forcing one of the kids to strip while holding him at gunpoint, after he called her a loser. This was Ma’s way of handling the slight. Still they continue to hang out at her basement, as she displays increasingly erratic behavior.

The scenes in this film become progressively bizarre. Ma becoming angry with the teens for attending high school, rather than party like rockstars with her, sets sinister plans into motion. I mean truly, so strange, I spoke to the screen aloud several times with jaw dropping commentary “what…what is happening?…I’m SO confused.” Never in my life have I been so genuinely perplexed by a film. Even when the motive behind Ma’s actions is revealed, it still doesn’t make sense. Best described by my friend Tanisha as “the script must have been missing some pages.” Accurate. The fact that Octavia Spencer and Allison Janney, Oscar winners, partook in this boggles the mind.

A scary movie it is not, psychological thriller nope, unintentionally one of the best comedies I have ever, EVER seen in my life, accurate. If you want to cry from laughing, Ma is the ticket. Underrated comedy cult classic.

Wormwood Tea For Immunity

A tea that boost your immune system, which is totally apt during this pandemic. The thing about wormwood tea is it taste like pure ass. Like this drink is bitter and took me three hours to drink last night. I’ve had it before to cleanse, under the impression that I had parasites in my colon. Really I got stuck in one of those ads that make everyone feel this way. Yes, I a non medical professional diagnosed myself. Feeling a bit dry in the throat I decided to get on anything, before it got me.

Wormwood tea is also good for reducing fevers, killing cancer cells by destroying the iron that enriches them and a litany of other benefits. In some places this herb is illegal (in high doses it can have adverse effects, including hallucinations), as it’s a main ingredient in absinthe.

Your best bet is to buy prepackaged and properly measured. I ordered mine from Buddha Teas, the same place I got this picture. Remember you are what you eat! Stay healthy by feeding your body the things it needs to thrive. Could you use a healthier diet? When’s the last time you drank a herbaceous tea?

Corona Virus Correlates To Critical Thinking

The media frenzy surrounding this pandemic (a disease with a wide geographical spread) has left a lot of people scared for their lives. Apocalyptic visions hyped by the media’s need to get those attention grabbing headlines, that talk of preventive measures, death tolls, infection rate and which A-list stars have tested positive. A very myopic and dangerous distortion of world news. Not at all focusing on the full range of statistical data.

Currently there are 134,670 people infected, 4,973 deaths and 69,142 people who have recovered. What does it mean? The state of the world is not as grim as it looks.

134,670 is such a small percentage of six billion people, it barely registers.
69,142 people recovered means they now have the antibodies to fight off the disease, making them immune. Just like how you got chicken pox and you never got them again. Your immune system collects diseases to recognize them and protect you.
4,973 people have died unfortunately. Making the mortality rate 3.4% which isn’t as bad as other outbreaks. The swine flu, for example killed 12,469 people in five months, over a larger age demographic (anybody could get got). Whereas the Coronavirus death toll consist mostly of elderly people and those with autoimmune & respiratory diseases.
Italy has a high rate of senior citizens, so their death toll is made up largely of people in their 80s and 90s. However they do not have enough hospital staff to give attention to everyone, which is a confounding variable (look this up, an extremely important term in science).

All and all even though we will recover our pockets might not. People unable to generate income, but must continue to pay bills for thirty days will incur debt. Unless the government steps in to give aid as they have done in Italy, but this is America so…

Fear is the quickest way to mobilize people, the first thing I learned in marketing class. Instead of taking a full scientific approach to the matter, people are ignoring facts and letting their emotions run wild, regurgitating the media. Critical thinking, asking questions no matter what, is essential to the truth and your civic duty. Unfortunately we live in a world where it’s easier to take selfies, let corporations think for you and react off emotions not logic, despite access to information.

Here are some articles to give you the complete sense of what’s going on. PS China has reopened their stores.

Coronavirus stats:https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/#countries
Protect the elderly: https://www.newsweek.com/young-unafraid-coronavirus-pandemic-good-you-now-stop-killing-people-opinion-1491797
China reopens stores: https://mashable.com/article/apple-reopens-china-stores-coronavirus/
Why Italy is hit so hard https://nypost.com/2020/03/12/heres-why-the-coronavirus-death-rate-is-so-high-in-italy/
Effects on the economy: https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/coronavirus-deaths-trump-stock-market-pandemic-economy-bankrupt-italy-a9394891.html Photo: Dovneon


I Have Sex Like A Man

Pardon moi, I have better sex than men do. It all started with Cosmopolitan Magazine, as a youth I was obsessed. Hypnotized by the glossy colorful pages filled with female knowledge. My bible, dutifully purchasing every issue to hoard. One article talked about the elusive and revered G-spot. The best orgasm of your life, but barely found despite every woman for a fact having one. I was determined to find mine using their map. 2- 3 inches in, on the top wall of the vaginal canal, easier instructed than located.

I informed my boyfriend at the time of my mission to reach the peak of pleasure, the ultimate. The perks of the usually toxic male ego, he was more than game, just to prove nothing goes untouched by man. Day in and day out we tried to no avail. Honestly, if there were a vaginal ruler life would have been much easier, seeking something so small makes that inch between 2 and 3 a vast canyon. Disheartened I called it, the stuff of legends and nothing more. He didn’t, it’s science, it had to be there. After approximately a month it happened, I felt it, glory be and thank god for the supple fingered pianist.

Fear soughed through me when we broke up (the fifth of a million times), what if he was the only one who could activate my holy altar? Wrong, I couldn’t be more wrong, my best friend has never abandoned me. I orgasm from the aforementioned place every single time, multiple times, with everybody, and I don’t need an hours recovery for another round.

This is rare, 75% of women can’t achieve any form of orgasm without doing a litany of other things. Most depend on clitoral stimulation to get there, if ever. The ability to cum every time with no need for foreplay, just like a dude, the most magnificent of blessings (counted daily). Usually women have that one man, which is why we hold onto the no goods. Not my problem, granted the intensity varies with each partner, for the most part all penises cancel out. Meaning I genuinely enjoy sex, just for the carnality of it, I don’t need that one special person, I’ll climax without fail. I’m not dickmatized or dependent, if you aren’t behaving properly exit stage left. Now to keep me, you have to show me your soul, be a stand up human being and treat me properly, because a beautiful man is by no means hard to find.

I fully believe that if every woman accessed her G-spot, they would feel less inclined to stick with fuck boys. Am I right ladies, aren’t you with them because they are the closest to making you feel good? Photo: Tina Maria Elena

Dear America

Checked myself real quick when I made the disgusting assumption, based on the title and author’s name, that this would be the tale of someone Hispanic. We are all conditioned until we’re not. The media has programmed us to believe the face of immigration is solely that of Latino’s/Latina’s. Finding out this was the story of a Filipino man I felt stupefied and sheepish. A mistake I will never make again, especially as someone who lives on the other side of prejudice.

What would you do if you were rushed to the airport in the middle of the night by your mother, boarding a plane with a man you’d just met, under the guise that he’s your uncle? Sent to The United States as a pre-teen to live with your grandparents, only finding out you were illegal (mind you everyone else in your family wasn’t) in an attempt to get your driver’s license?

Jose Antonia Vargas paints a poignant, profound and true to life portrayal of the strife and contributions ($12 billion in taxes annually…) of undocumented denizens. Up against a legislature that benefits from blanketing the narrative, profits from a broken system and leaves those with their backs against the wall, to commit felonious acts for survival.

This should be required educational material, to counteract the sensationalized political propaganda we’re spoon fed by the media. As it breaks down the landmark laws that perpetuate the system, many are ignorant to. This is a person who was nurtured and nourished on the culture, who doesn’t know a different way of life. They were educated here, all their friends are here, the family who raised him, here, their career as a journalist here. Begging the question what does being American mean? Have you read any books regarding immigration? Photo: PowerHouseArena