Five Black Candles Overseas

“Someone in your family is doing black magic on you, they’re jealous. They don’t want you to be better than them. I see someone going overseas lighting five black candles. I see it’s your father.”

This woman didn’t try to upsell with cleanses, nor did she charge me. “Omg your energy, come sit with me I have to tell you something.” I was on break from Follia heading to Hotel Tortuga (a now closed Mexican restaurant) when a small white brunette woman from a Slavic background– poaching people in front of a gym a few doors before my destination, stopped me. Many street seers have done this, my infectious energy drawing them like moths to a flame, bees to pollen, flies to shit. Giving me a message was so crucial they physically inserted themselves into my personal bubble.
Upon receiving the news I believed it to be my estranged biological Haitian father, a fluent voodoo practitioner. It must have been him I responded, except there are six of us… it didn’t add up.

“My brother, my two sisters, my mom, my stepdad, me. Why would he only light five candles? Unless he didn’t know there was a boy.” She was also confused, because silently we both knew black candles are for protection.

When I shared this experience with my stepdad over a year later his replies were suspicious, guilt ridden.
“Who told you that? When? What did they say again?”
Now my stepdad is not the brightest. Great at architecture, construction, renovation work, but intelligent? No. Basic knowledge escapes him, he reminds me of a caveman banging on things and grunting. He’s amenable, with little desire to expand his knowledge via research. Having never worked in a restaurant he had the audacity to tell me where you eat doesn’t matter, it all comes out the same and the people working at restaurants don’t know what’s in the dish. Who cares? “Food is food, you yam it.” Sage Antiguan advice. Having been in the service industry for years I explained to him how incredibly wrong he was, not only were you required to know what was being served you were tested on it and needed to time your orders by sequence of service, failing held consequences (write ups, firings). Furthermore you had to know the beverage menu and pairings, that’s the bare minimum. Beyond taste aversions there were allergies, ignorance meant death. He was finally silent. How idiotic did you have to be to tell me, someone with experience, how a job you’ve never done works? He’s sexist, loud, inconsiderate and wrong.
His response confirmed he was the person who lit the candles.

Black candles are for protection, the missing one was for me. Just like childhood when he would take Whitney on shopping sprees in elementary school, announcing she got clothes because she was his kid. A sensitive child he use to pick on me, but if a man pulled up he wasn’t about that life. Part of is was punishment for my not calling him dad, which had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me being uncomfortable. At this point I was like eight you’ve known me since I was one, you had the chance to implement this but chose division.
Just like signing only my sister up for ballet, my mom having to get my uncle to buy me a laptop for school, my uncle paying for my senior trip, my mom having to sneak money for me to go to prom (thank god my teachers were UES Jewish women, my gym teachers silk halter Bebe dress fit me like a glove), just like all my siblings taking swimming classes but me, just like not helping me through college, just like taking me to his family holiday events with my sister and while she was showered in gifts I was forgotten about so they put together a measly card with twenty bucks, even though they knew I was coming (that’s why I stopped going), just like I’ve caught him red handed gathering items from my mother or me, just like he turns men interested in me into him, Genc and Mick both turned on me, or all my failed situationships, it was him doing black magic. Pay attention to patterns.

He has always sets me up to fail not wanting me to be better than his blood children, but spoiling me enough to be spoiled. Like when I went over my phone bill by 24 hours and he switched me to unlimited data, or furnishing my first apartment. The mental capacity of a child, raising my sister with delusions of superiority. Causing her to get angry when overshadowed, the way racist whites are when they see colored people with better lives. Bitch please. Everything makes total and complete sense and now I’ll act accordingly. What he did to me, I’ll pay him back in kind times three. Via: Queer Prints

Sorry Hurt Repeat

Make sure the apologies you receive from those who’ve done you dirty are sincere. This is why I do my three strike’s or less rule, it makes my life so much easier. Numerous people have been cut because they kept saying sorry after being violent, duplicitous, fake and out for self, no matter who they toppled on the way. My kindness was mistaken for weakness and why shouldn’t it have been? I allowed their pretend redemption for literal years. A cycle I started when I didn’t love myself, one that continued when I shed my self-loathing. I’m sweet, but I have my limits. Their remorse was inauthentic, many of them narcissist who loved the game. Allowing them chance after chance established a foundation of boundary breaking and disrespect. I deserve better than that.
Yes, they still miss me, because I’m an amazing friend who was taken for granted. The feeling however isn’t mutual. Is someone in your life saying “sorry” only to hurt you and repeat the process? Are you someone who does this? Why? Via: Feelings Bleed

An Unyielding Revolutionary

Which one are you? What do you want to change? Let it be ethical, inclusive and for the betterment of humankind. Never forget one person can spark many, a generation even. Whatever the cause do it with passion, be unyielding even if you’re David and Goliath is a giant monstrosity of many hateful people, masquerading as allies. There are SOOOOOO many people I unfollowed this year on social media, because they were capitalizing off causes to look as though they had substance. They aren’t down, just attention whores, sociopaths, clout chasers, narcissists, Uncle Tom’s contradicting themselves and never coming clean, their only concern- being exposed. Don’t be like them, be sincere, say what you mean and mean what you say. What can’t you accept? How are you changing it? Via: The Female Lead

Signs Of Mental Abuse

There are some toxic people in my family, one of my sisters for example has always been touched, like a live wire with water thrown onto it, flaying around dangerously looking for something to electrocute. A pathological liar even from youth, she claimed to be the one to have diagnosed my baby sister with brain cancer. Something she truly believed. Except she was in second grade and still has no medical experience to do anything of the sort. As time went on she continued to warp stories to suit her horrible behavior: she got caught skipping school so my parents hired a private eye to find out where she was going (I had nothing to do with it, but she wrote a letter to them trying to throw the attention on me, except I was an honor student at a school she wasn’t smart enough to get into), she then claimed to be flying private jets with millionaire friends to Miami, turns out she was selling weed upstate, she’d lie, cheat and steal. It became very apparent as time went on that her underlying conditions are a part of who she is, delusions of grandeur, entitlement my parents fed into by giving her shopping sprees she didn’t deserve and not rectifying her behavior. The girl has a bevy of issues and one of them is definitely being mentally abusive and a narcissist. Compounding the issue is her extreme acid abuse.

My friends thought I was exaggerating until they had an encounter where she just SNAPPED, leaving them frightened that she would harm us. She gave everyone clean glasses, but me she gave a dirty measuring cup, when I asked for a glass she got angry and kicked all of us including her friend out. Screaming as she always does, because she doesn’t know how to communicate without a level of anger that will get her or someone else killed.

If I ignore her or am nice to her is irrelevant, she has always been fixated on comparing herself to me and coming up short. As I enter a new stage in my life it has become clear this isn’t someone who can be in my life ever again (as well as some other members), like ever, I’ve given her endless chances, knowing she doesn’t love herself, but she’s a danger to herself and others. She reminds me of my ex friend Derek, also mentally abusive and a narcissist, but his story is for another time. People like them have to be shown the door and you have to love yourself enough to do it. They will try to project their issues on you, but don’t let them. Goodbye and good riddance. Is there someone who is mentally abusive you need to let go off? Are you mentally abusive?

The Hair Gypsy: Amber

I know it’s not cool to want karma to get those that deserve it, but damn it’s hard when people are blatant ass munches and continually get away with it. I knew this person and although she appeared to be a positive cheerleader, she was also a pathological liar and narcissist. I should’ve seen it coming and I think in a way I did.

I met her trying to secure the next chapter in my professional career. She presented herself as the owner of a new salon in town. Even the name of it was born from her struggles. Her story was inspiring and nothing shy of amazing. A multi-cancer survivor, mother of three and grandmother. Did I mention we’re the same age? Wow!! If this lady could go through so much and be this strong and hopeful and positive, why was I so scared to go from employee to self-employed? What was MY hang up? If this broad can do all of this, I can definitely do a portion of it. I got the position (!), became self-employed and started on my current journey.

As time went on I noticed her detaching, becoming less available to the staff. She had built this store with 13 stylist aside from myself. I viewed her differently than the others, she wasn’t my boss, just the landlord. Believing we forged a friendship I would ask her what’s wrong, but received no response. She up and ghosted me, leaving me to ponder what I’d done to upset her. We went on family trips together!

Year two I started to question her motives, after uncovering a lot of misinformation. For instance she was never the owner and the “silent investor” wasn’t so silent. I tried to look over discrepancies, but boy there were a lot. Two weeks after opening a new space the rent increased! Under the guise of using a new software program to teach me how to add appointments, bitch hijacked my account, changing the password, stealing clients, addresses and color formulations I’ve spent ten years building!The real kicker, she was never a licensed stylist! She never even graduated cosmetology school!!!! She’s all over social media taking pictures asking people if she should “get back into doing hair.”

The most frustrating part is that she’s constantly around town working her Gypsy ways, acquiring things from people under the impression she had their best interest at heart. But it’s a game show.

When you stop having something she wants, you’re disposed of. Why do I keep getting involved with shady ass punks? Photo: Numerologistcom