ADULTHOOD IS A S#!%SHOW
Y’all play too much. I can not. The Bravo fan pages not about shit, like honestly this is one of the most iconic moments in housewives history. When Aviva Drescher, cousin of the Fran Drescher, threw her leg on that table. Everyone’s reaction. Luann’s reaction, mind you she was a friend of that season, bringing grade A drama. The performance was top tier. Please Google this moment. Via: BravooOMag
Being a witch is the best. Stop demonizing everything about powerful women (men are witches too). We are not the satanist the patriarchy and media portrays us to be. We’re protectors who respect nature that provides for us, it’s cycles, and the universe, amongst other things.
It’s our month! October makes me feel so alive! It’s my favorite! Are you excited for spooky season? What’s do you love most of all about it? Via: Wicca Academy
“Anna Wintour lives next door you know,” Kelsey, the big haired, big breasted, stout cashier informed me.
“Shut. Up. You’re lying!” I replied astounded. The Anna Wintour, of Vogue Magazine, the first and last word in fashion.
“Yeah, I’ve seen her a few times and she always just stares at me disapprovingly. I feel so self-conscious every time I see her, she always looks me up and down frowning.”
Noted, my level of anxiety skyrocketing at the prospect of being on the receiving end of a fashion don’t. She’s notorious for her unyielding critics, but I hadn’t figured it transferred off glossy print pages to pedestrians. The Devil Wears Prada scene where Meryl Streep drags Anne Hathaway (over a cerulean sweater) was a real moment for Kelsey, a look saying it all. The scars remain, heard in her intonation as she told the story.
One.
The first time I saw Anna Wintour I was heading over to Melvin’s Cafe from the main restaurant, Miss Lily’s. There she was standing on the sidewalk as I walked in her direction. Wearing a white floral dress and signature shades. Rocking one dangling gold double triangular earring, a maroon skirt with slits on both sides, and a sleeveless black and white vertical striped shirt, that buttoned downed to tie at the bottom, a gold necklace, that had pendulum shaped pieces hanging, I freak out internally. Upon seeing me she moves back in surprise. It was a wordless exchange, her face conveying shock. Not only because she approved of my look, from bantu knots to heeled booties, but that I worked at such an establishment. Unable to control my facial expressions my eyes widen with joy. A sign of the future friendship I always imagined.
Pulling the door to enter Melvin’s, I take one last look in case I never get the chance again. A man exits his vehicle, handing her a package. Taking it, she enters her townhouse.
“OMG,” I screech seeing Kelsey behind the juice bar counter, “I just saw Anna Wintour!”
“You did? Told you. Did she give you a disgusted look?”
“NO! She liked my outfit!!”
“Oh, wow,” Kelsey says disheartened. In all fairness Kelsey in her Hawaiian shirts, loose fitting clothes and plain face made no effort, which is part of why she was relegated to the cafe as a cashier. She didn’t have the look, sexy, colorful, skimpy, to be a server at Miss Lily’s; the hierarchy was real. Despite not seeing eye to eye, the owners and Anna agreed on Kelsey’s ranking.
Two.
I’m in a rush. Although my tardiness had no consequences, I hate being even close to late. However, I ran out of eyeliner as I was about to start my second lid! Meaning I had to make a pitstop at CVS, where the line was too damn long. It’s the dead of winter, the sidewalks are runways with room for only one person to walk at a time. A strip of dry pavement is exposed, both sides covered by frozen, mounted snow and garbage. Lo and behold, as I’m about to traverse this obstacle course, Anna Wintour is pacing back and forth at the end of this makeshift runway. As if breaking in these over the thigh, leather, heeled boots weren’t enough, I have to walk for Anna without busting my ass. Not only would I be humiliated, I’d have to walk pass her afterwards.
Pairing another floral dress with a white jacket, cellphone to ear, shades on, Anna senses me and what does she do? She fucking stops to judge. Standing at the almost end of this runway, she faces me. Glaring. My heart literally seizes, then pounds against my ribcage. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Only. Fucking. Me. Thanking God for throwing on my oversized Chloé sunglasses on a sunless day (had she seen my uneven eye makeup I’d be mortified), I walk, having no choice.
Balmain fur over a red dress that connects in the front, with a cutout back and sides, I catwalk for her eyes only. She stares. Starts to smile. Catches herself. Goes back to stoic. Then as a gesture of her approval, she makes room for me to get by, sans stepping on piled snow. Had I failed she would not have done so. This is a moment I’ll cherish forever. An actual highlight of my life, unlike some, I didn’t have to pay a million bucks for Anna’s validation (hi Kanye).
Three.
Halloween 2019. I finally left the apartment Genc Jakupi setup to have me spied on. I hated everyone there, especially lying, delusional, talentless Mallory, the girl I sublet from. His former The Box employee. Mallory who got us temporarily evicted, spending our rent money on a music video she made for Youtube. Had I not gotten word, we would have come home to locked doors the next day. She owed $5000. I made it so we could take what we needed while the issue was resolved. I digress.
Celebrating the thinning veil, Nani and I are dressed up. She’s an angel and I’m Dominque Deveraux. A wig, a skin tight, cream dress, backless, braless, a crossed string drawing attention to my spine. Walking down the street I see a woman dressed as Anna.
“Yes bitch, you’re Anna Wintour! You look major honey, major down to the bob. Work bitch, workkkkkk, yasss. You nailed it!”
The woman laughs, gripping my arm and tells me, “You look beautiful, absolutely beautiful,” she squeezes my arm while appraising me.
“See Anna I told you going out would be fun,” a scantily clad brunette says emerging from their shared cab, a blonde lady following behind her.
“Wait what! OMG you’re actually Anna Wintour!!! Omg stop!!!! I can’t!”
My eyes are bulging in pure disbelief. She’s literally wearing a bobbed wig, dressed up as herself. The color two fractions lighter than her own, her attire a dress and a dark caramel coat. She touches me a few more times, laughing her ass off before entering Indochine. Third times a charm, we were meant to be.
So I thought. Now I realize she tokenizes us, or is she just evil? Meeting her in person, meeting her standards, then seeing her allow the gutter rats known as the Kardashian Jenner West family to lower her standards. A family built on sex tapes, black magic, lies, an empire made of cards, no talent, no style, Kanye paid for her to care. To hear and experience her racism…there’s a great chasm between the two and I’m trying to fill the void.
Wasn’t L’wren Scott your friend? Why were you aiding big faced, small brained, ungrateful, mediocre, jail and hell bound Georgia May Jagger?
All I know is it’ll be handled accordingly. I’ll love those moments forever, then again I adored all the people who are now enemies. Via: Miss Lily’s
No group on planet Earth, past or present is/was more swaged out than the Isley Brothers. PERIOD. The furs, crotched blouses, sans shirts, layered necklaces, hats, gold lamé suits, suits in general, fringe, bold colors, rings… an amalgamation of textiles and fabrics unrestrained by gender norms. Ron Isley is still swaged out to this day. I kiss the ring. A great group Halloween costume (think I’ll be starting this segment early this year, love October, don’t all witches?). Which Isley Brothers song is your favorite? Via: The Isley Brothers_Retro
“Someone in your family is doing black magic on you, they’re jealous. They don’t want you to be better than them. I see someone going overseas lighting five black candles. I see it’s your father.”
This woman didn’t try to upsell with cleanses, nor did she charge me. “Omg your energy, come sit with me I have to tell you something.” I was on break from Follia heading to Hotel Tortuga (a now closed Mexican restaurant) when a small white brunette woman from a Slavic background– poaching people in front of a gym a few doors before my destination, stopped me. Many street seers have done this, my infectious energy drawing them like moths to a flame, bees to pollen, flies to shit. Giving me a message was so crucial they physically inserted themselves into my personal bubble.
Upon receiving the news I believed it to be my estranged biological Haitian father, a fluent voodoo practitioner. It must have been him I responded, except there are six of us… it didn’t add up.
“My brother, my two sisters, my mom, my stepdad, me. Why would he only light five candles? Unless he didn’t know there was a boy.” She was also confused, because silently we both knew black candles are for protection.
When I shared this experience with my stepdad over a year later his replies were suspicious, guilt ridden.
“Who told you that? When? What did they say again?”
Now my stepdad is not the brightest. Great at architecture, construction, renovation work, but intelligent? No. Basic knowledge escapes him, he reminds me of a caveman banging on things and grunting. He’s amenable, with little desire to expand his knowledge via research. Having never worked in a restaurant he had the audacity to tell me where you eat doesn’t matter, it all comes out the same and the people working at restaurants don’t know what’s in the dish. Who cares? “Food is food, you yam it.” Sage Antiguan advice. Having been in the service industry for years I explained to him how incredibly wrong he was, not only were you required to know what was being served you were tested on it and needed to time your orders by sequence of service, failing held consequences (write ups, firings). Furthermore you had to know the beverage menu and pairings, that’s the bare minimum. Beyond taste aversions there were allergies, ignorance meant death. He was finally silent. How idiotic did you have to be to tell me, someone with experience, how a job you’ve never done works? He’s sexist, loud, inconsiderate and wrong.
His response confirmed he was the person who lit the candles.
Black candles are for protection, the missing one was for me. Just like childhood when he would take Whitney on shopping sprees in elementary school, announcing she got clothes because she was his kid. A sensitive child he use to pick on me, but if a man pulled up he wasn’t about that life. Part of is was punishment for my not calling him dad, which had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me being uncomfortable. At this point I was like eight you’ve known me since I was one, you had the chance to implement this but chose division.
Just like signing only my sister up for ballet, my mom having to get my uncle to buy me a laptop for school, my uncle paying for my senior trip, my mom having to sneak money for me to go to prom (thank god my teachers were UES Jewish women, my gym teachers silk halter Bebe dress fit me like a glove), just like all my siblings taking swimming classes but me, just like not helping me through college, just like taking me to his family holiday events with my sister and while she was showered in gifts I was forgotten about so they put together a measly card with twenty bucks, even though they knew I was coming (that’s why I stopped going), just like I’ve caught him red handed gathering items from my mother or me, just like he turns men interested in me into him, Genc and Mick both turned on me, or all my failed situationships, it was him doing black magic. Pay attention to patterns.
He has always sets me up to fail not wanting me to be better than his blood children, but spoiling me enough to be spoiled. Like when I went over my phone bill by 24 hours and he switched me to unlimited data, or furnishing my first apartment. The mental capacity of a child, raising my sister with delusions of superiority. Causing her to get angry when overshadowed, the way racist whites are when they see colored people with better lives. Bitch please. Everything makes total and complete sense and now I’ll act accordingly. What he did to me, I’ll pay him back in kind times three. Via: Queer Prints
A few things before I move on. Now that my work here is finished I feel a sense of relief, because truly I was doing you guys a favor. I’m good, I’m straight, I didn’t have to fight to protect your souls, let alone for this long:
Quality over quantity. What does that mean to you? Via: The Pattern
October 31st versus November 1st. Happy Halloween. The veil between this world and the next will be the thinnest. I’m so sad October is over. Literally I fully immersed myself in the scary culture that comes along with it. Will you miss this month too? Why or why not? Via: Scenic 90s
Facts. Every single day of this retrograde from Halloween on, has been bananas. Absolutely nuts and life changing. This retrograde was to clear away the things that no longer serve you. Boy did I. From moving, to beginning and ending relationships, to old ideals I had to dismantle. The craziest retrograde I’ve experience thus far. How was your November 2019 retrograde? Was it bonkers? What did you release? How do you feel? Photo: Sun and Yoga
After scouring social media for the best Halloween costume, Winnie Harlow as Marilyn Monroe is the winner. It’s sexy, glamorous and not the typical white dress that lifts up, or the diamonds are a girls best friend pink. Who had your favorite costume? Photos: Winnie Harlow
The spiritual meaning of Hallow’s Eve, has roots that trace back to a celebration called Samhain. Samhain is the celebration of the darker half of the year, where we enter winter. It celebrates death and new beginnings. This is a great time to release anything that is no longer serving you.
Halloween is when the veil between the dead and the living is the thinnest. It is believed that the dead are allowed to roam our world for this one night. This is how costumes started, to either ward them off or confuse them. Many use this time to honor the dead, specifically their ancestors through rituals. In doing so one must be careful, as you might attract the wrong energy. Especially since Mercury in retrograde is overlapping with this event. How will you be celebrating tonight? Photos: Super France and Morphe Brushes