A Twenty Dollar Lesson

Blessed to have plummeted into drug addiction at a young age, instead of as an adult. Have you ever lost your mind? Been on the brink of death? Descended into madness? I have. Had it been later in life I’d have more to lose and wouldn’t be as wise, or street smart. For instance Kiki, this sloppy girl with an enormous, gelatinous ass had no idea what she was doing. Older than me, she’d never seen cocaine until she was an adult, believing herself a badass for doing it.
Kiki wasn’t cute, her dreads smelled nice, but were raggedy and thanks to Genc Jakupi she was obsessed with me. Despite having spread her legs the one time, before I arrived, he loved me not her. FYI this girl stole from the tip pool, was a hater to the actual pretty girls and was not well liked, or kind.

Both standing at 5’9 (she made someone measure us back to back) she constantly compared herself to me, once remarking that my torso was longer than hers, wishing for my body proportions. True. I was also a fraction of her size, better dressed, bigger boobs and better looking. She loathed that I was stick skinny with a big ass, she also commented on my upbringing and diction an uncomfortable amount. Still it was us against them, we spotted each other when stealing drinks, lied to management, and eventually partied together. Kiki hated me, admired me, respected me…it was a complicated relationship. When I left she was one of 8 people to follow, you didn’t have to love, or like me, but even the people jealous of me respected me. I ran that place properly is why.
One day Kiki and I split a gram. I watched her tables while she went outside to meet the dealer. Afterward we bee-lined to my model agent friends house in Williamsburg, then Freehold, doing key bumps in the photo booth. Here’s where she made a critical mistake:
The night ended and she told me to save the coke…

Amateur hour. She had an outline of my narcotics history mind you.
As soon as she let me leave without taking her share, I knew she was new to this, not true to this.
The next day, Saturday, my day off, she messaged me to meet her at Miss Lily’s “with the goodies.”
I didn’t respond. Devoured the bag is an understatement. By the time I received her message I was on a bender with my roommate. Not only did Dani help me finish that bag, we polished off one she had, and were on our way to my model agent friends apartment for more. P.s that night was MAJOR.

Sunday, our next shift together, I handed her $20 bucks.
“What’s this for?”
I simply replied “It’s gone. It’s all gone.” Then she understood.
I didn’t apologize, nor did she expect me to. Kiki knew it was her fault. Never, ever, leave your share, especially with a connoisseur. You either take your half, or get your money asap. Period ma.
Now I’m free of addiction, as well as recreational use. Talking about bring the goodies, that sh*t was gone with the wind. I have zero regrets. If you’re still struggling I believe in you, it may take time, but you’ll make it through. Artist: Thom Minnick Art

Juneteenth Twenty Twenty Two Vibes

“Black people always found a way in the most miserable circumstances. If we didn’t, we’d have been exterminated by the white man long ago.”

Via: SheLovesBlackArt

Pay Attention To Your Sorries

Certain things you don’t owe anyone an apology for. Set boundaries and stick to them, so people know how to treat you. Especially as women we’re bred to apologize just for existing and taking up space. Seriously ladies pay attention to how often you say sorry, the things you say sorry for, then stop doing it all together. We do it as a defense mechanism, because the world isn’t safe for us. In general, for everybody, note when you’re saying sorry for the right reasons, to people please, out of fear. How must you modify the behavior to be fair to you? Via: SelfCareExpress

Cat Fights With My Cat

Me calling my cat crazy for getting upset when people stare at her, only to realize I yell at her for staring at me all the time…gee wonder where she got it from? My cat is obsessed with me, she follows me around like a dog. She’s gonna flip out when I go on vacation. She holds grudges. Should I take her? Have you traveled with an animal? Via: MrMattMcCarthy

Interlude To Andy Warhol Diaries

If you’ve been here before you’ll know I no longer sleep with mirrors in my bedroom, unless it’s a vanity facing a wall. Definitely no full lengths mirrors, as they’ve given me creepy encounters every damn time ( read More Than A Mirror). I’m good. However there is one reflective surface to escape me.

Andy Warhol is one of my guides, always has been, same with Basquiat, but Andy’s energy is stronger. Deep in the throes of our relationship Mick Jagger and I messaged day and night, night and day, astral projecting into one another’s dreams. We could do a lot of things in 5d while awake too, like sex, part of why he won’t let me go. It was amazing, not gonna lie (the psychic was right though our souls were tied due to many past lives together, he’s not my twin, he’s too selfish to save the world). Anyways. One day I awoke from an afternoon nap to find Andy Warhol, in this exact look, looking at me.
How with no mirrors? Through the surface of a the doorknob. Kid you not.

We stared at one another for ten minutes straight. I moved my head this way and that; is this an illusion? Are my eyes playing tricks on me? But there he was tinted in gold, on the circular base the handle protrudes from. From his shoulders up, blocking out the background. He was curious about me, he found me interesting, then he left sensing my fear. I’ve seen plenty of ghost, but this was the first time via doorknob. The nuance of the experience is what really freaked me out. To be honest the full circle events are creeping me out currently. Yeah, I should be use to it, but it can be overwhelming. You have no idea the pressure my purpose causes. Have you ever seen the dead? I will be posting more diary excerpts. Via: Anina Arts

Need Both These Chokers

Sometimes I’m goody-goody.
Right now I’m naughty- naughty.

Via: AlexDemmiie & Damiano_David_Icaro

The Follow Through Matters

If the actions don’t match the benevolent intention leave. You shouldn’t tolerate mistreatment, because someone had the intent of being good to you. Actions speak louder than words, it’s the follow through that counts. Choose you. Is this fitting for someone in your life? Artist: Audrey Emmett

Set For The Future

Me walking into my abundance while you all process the plot twist. Live in the now, but plan for the future. Hi, I’m the future. Via: La_Fashion_Village

Types Of Toxic People To Ditch

Get rid of toxic people. Everyone I removed from my life, low vibrational (they need to add jealous, frenemy, and liars up in here). A reader once told me, “You aren’t from this time; you’re tribal about community, this world is all about self.”

Trust me getting rid of negative people will make your life better. It took some time to get here, but my blessings are flowing in. I’m doing better than them now. The things that are about to manifest for me, they can only experience in their dreams. Always trust the universe, follow your own path, be kind. All those who stood by me, you’ll reap the rewards. Good people hard to come by. Toxic people block you blessings; are you toxic, or dealing with someone who is? Via: Bad Wolf Psych

Currently Fighting PTSD

I wanna get back to normal, currently I’m working on finding pleasure in the things I once enjoyed again, before going back to the psychiatrist (who told me my life is cinematic from birth, that’s how unique and crazy it is). It’s hard not controlling your mental state. It’s hard living in fear. I’ve gotten my appetite back, which is good, my sleeping is better, still self-isolating, still have a long ways to go. Once this toxic person is out of my life and I get my financial freedom, I’m sure it’ll get better. I will never interact with Mick Jagger again; fun fact domestic violence cases get fee waivers, now Mick has twenty days to respond.

Looking back at all the proof: missing my friends wedding, Chris Evans, the lies about his heart problems, the fake moves to our home, leaving me in poverty, letting me go to Poughkeepsie to cancel the hotel, asking me for money for Charlie Watts funeral, breaking into my social media, his racist white trash family, not caring that my friend died and SO, SO much more, gaining my trust after I told him what happened to me, only to abuse it, because I’m just an object to him, not a person…I never want to see, or speak to him again. People say, oh he’s old school, what they really mean is he’s a domestic abuser which was acceptable in the old days. He abuses due to his psychopathy. I was tortured mentally and emotionally, I’m not the same about people. Right now self-care for me is healing, one step at a time. How do you take care of yourself currently? Why? Via: Good_Vibe_Girl_Gang