What Is Portal?

Okay, so how portal opened is actually really messed up. Our lives have always been crazy growing up Manhattan kids, but one year everything took a turn into the absurd and NEVER went back, EVER. Tenth grade, Upper East Side, Eleanor Roosevelt High School. This white girl…Paula, let’s call her, was in love and seeing a boy a grade above us. Cute, hispanic, confused sexual orientation wise, named Mitch…yeah Mitch. He won’t commit, but they’re exclusive without saying, hooking up all the time. One day we’re hanging out on the inside outside, this outside space of Paula’s building that was semi covered- it protected you from rain, but not the wind. We use to get wasted there. Out of nowhere this bum bitch Jenna…back up, we were a friend group, Jenna, Paula, Mitch, and the 8 plus people to witness. When Jenna starts flirting, touching, laying on Mitch in front of all of us including Paula on her own turf. We were like wtf is she doing? Is this bitch insane? We’re moral, like I said, and held everyone accountable good or bad. Girl code, is she really going to be this fucked up? Yup and years later I ditched the bitch for the same reason, even though I was fifty percent in the wrong. That’s a story for another time, because she wasn’t the wronged party. Anyways come Monday, Jenna and Mitch who both loved Japanese manga were a couple…

In her heart of hearts Jenna who was in the wrong, on top of being less popular and less hot than Paula, believed she could get away with such an atrocity. Was she kidding? Mitch and Paula had been a thing for most of the year, Paula was madly in love. EVERYONE in the entire school knew, which is why both our grade and the one above taught Jenna a lesson. Nobody in their right mind could comprehend Mitch’s decision, such was the difference in their looks. Everyone openly called Jenna the ugly one, stopped speaking to her, picked on her in every class and when she came to us we informed her she’d be having lunch solo. She was also kicked out of the popular group, a place she was on the fringes of, but got by because of me. Same story since middle school, riding my coattails. She went back to her math seat, throughout the day she cried, it only made her look weak. You don’t do that shady shit to friends.

The whole day we wondered if we were in a portal to a parallel dimension, such was the absurdity of anyone choosing Jenna over Paula. That day things kept getting stranger and stranger, prompting us to say portal. Then everyday was portal, bizarre things that nobody would believe, but it would only happen to us. Full circle events like, for example: meeting a man on a wild night out with their boyfriend, then going to a dinner with a family friend and that same guy is their with his wife. Acting brand new. He’s also said friends cousin and they are oblivious to his double life. But then he wants you to hang out later with his boyfriend, like you’re in cahoots and you’re not; you’re just a bystander, trying as best you can to mind your business. That’s portal. And for some reason it never closes, just spreads.

People use to blame me for the newfound insanity in their lives and I’d have to explain it’s not me, it’s portal and it attaches to people constantly in my presence. Portal is the extraordinary, the bizarre, the b.s, the fuckery. It can’t be explained, only experienced. The way the Kardashian’s say Bible (a joke from these satanist) is how we say Portal. Keep this in mind, for my not at all normal life and future stories. Artist: David Spriggs “Tempest”