A coq au vin from a restaurant of black magicians got me sick. As I was eating it my stomach burned, like swallowing acid, but I was famished. For five days I was sick, the feeling indescribable, like parasites made a home in my intestines, laying eggs in the lining. That night when working out I felt a sharp pain doing a crunch, cutting my ab exercise short. Turns out I strained my pelvic muscle due to whatever blockage the meal caused. Not like it mattered, no matter what I did my abs were replaced by a bloat that wouldn’t budge. At some point during this parasitic stint I had a dream to get a colonic, I did some research and found a place.
I’ve never had anything up my a**, choosing to save it for marriage, lord knows I have nothing else to offer (in terms of virginal gifting, Mick Jagger knew this for some reason). Needless to say I was terrified, but I have to follow my dreams.
Lying down on the bed in a gown, a surge of relief floods my body when the Russian lady pulls out a fresh plastic tube. Oh, this won’t be so bad, the tube is small. The feeling quickly dissipates, replaced by panic as she places the small end into the machine. The opposite side being phallic and wide.
“Oh my god what are you gonna do to me?” This is just like getting waxed, a prison movie.
“I’m going to shove it in,” she says as she slathers lube on “I’m joking, just joking.”
“Oh my goddddddd,” I cringe. We both laugh.
“Just relax, if you don’t this part will come off and get stuck in your rectum.”
At this point in the game I want out, but it’s far, far, too late.
“Lay on your side and remember be calm, or terrible accident will happen,” she inserts the phallic piece and shockingly it doesn’t hurt. Not only was I proud of myself, but the elasticity of the human orifice. She rushes me to lay on my back, quickly. Excuse me ma’am you expect me to do rodeo tricks now? Take me to dinner first.
“When the water goes in hold it tight, or there will be a terrible accident. When the water goes out relax, or there will be a terrible accident everywhere. The first five minutes is uncomfortable for everyone, because there’s gas.”
Still confused I stay calm, following instructions as best I can to avoid the terrible accident of fecal matter exploding everywhere. The process is 30 to 45 minutes, she fills me up with water while pressing on my stomach. When I’m filled to the brim I inform her, she flips a switch reversing the process, draining the water into the machine. We do this repeatedly. It ends when I can no longer fight the urge to use the restroom.
Real talk I felt amazing afterward! My bloating gone, my abs back, and after the third restroom use I was all set. The most uncomfortable part was being engorged for sure. Since the colon is 8 feet long, it takes three session to clear yearly; you’re suppose to go in two week intervals. Total believer in hydrocolonics and recommend it to all for the sake of their health. The gut is where disease starts and the colon can store up to 20 pounds of fecal matter along it’s walls for years. Have you done it? Will you try it? Via: FlowHydroTherapy
