The Stones Are A Coven

The Rolling Stones never pretended not to be a coven, an extremely powerful one at that. That’s why ugly Melanie Hamrick had to do black magic, selling her soul to satan with her coven to infiltrate it. Now her karma’s arrived. Mick Jagger was indeed right, I do have more powers, that’s why as queen witch I took theirs. My favorite part of the tour is every time Mick post I’m contacted about the investigations. Why? Because he’s incriminating himself as a domestic abuser. Thanks to it I’ll be a multi-millionaire, sans baby, with a restraining order. He’ll have ruined his legacy and I’ll be iconic. The one that got away, the one who destroyed the band that created her. Sex symbol and feminist legend.

And if the lawyers reading this, belittle my intelligence again, you must think I’m dumb. You’re not the first lawyer I’ve outsmarted, ask Miss Lily’s how that went. Thanks for the evidence when I sue the shit out of everyone, play with me again. That’s why I dragged you to silence. Law was my backup profession. Athena’s Roman counterpart is Minerva, it’s also a specialty.

My favorite part about the tour is now the government knows where to find this psychopath. I saved your life, now I look at you and can’t wait until the Jagger’s die off and they do. Make no mistake Melanie is going to jail, she committed perjury, a hate crime, murder, attempted murder, rape, attempted rape, stalking and harassment. L’wren Scott is getting justice. Furthermore, I’m sure I can get Mick on a criminal charge for stealing my money and telling me to be a call girl. That’s a sex crime. Karma’s a bitch ain’t it? Blessed be. Now he’ll watch me raise my own family, while his dies off, once I get over my PTSD. Between “good guy” Chris Evans and everyone else, I can’t trust people aren’t horrific human beings. Soon I’ll see beyond my trauma. Which Stones song best describes the predicament they’re in? Photographer: Anton Corbijn