And we’re back! If you’ve been removed your grade hasn’t changed. Let’s get to it then, our third annual NEPO-BABY GRADESSSSSSS!
Carter-Knowles: B+, Blue Ivy was in the limelight a lot in 2024, onstage performing, in movies with her mama, accepting awards with her father, or on the red carpet. Best of all, she looks annoyed to be doing it. She’s gorgeous and carries herself like a dignified young lady.
Jolie-Pitts: A, this is long overdue for Angelina Jolie, a phenomenal actress. She definitely outshines father Jon Voigt in every way, especially when it comes to teaching karma. Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina, because Jennifer didn’t want kids. Only for his children to disown him. Somebody should’ve told him- Gemini’s ruin lives.
Hadid’s: D-, their grade increased due to my joy of their childhood home burning down in those fires, at the hands of their false G-D Satan. Making me immensely happy. Finally something interesting about them (read Irina, Bradley And Gigi Are Liars).
Crawford’s: F-, if Kaia Gerber put as much energy into any form of work, as she does bed hopping, she’d get far. Her love life isn’t even interesting, she’s failed in all facets of celebrity. No personality. No intrigue. No passion or drive due to entitlement. She’s boring. A complete dud. NEXT! She’s simply not a star like mother Cindy Crawford .
Beckham’s: B, Brooklyn didn’t give up on his cooking dream despite being annihilated. That’s what we like to see, effort and tenacity. You fall, you get back up, adapt and keep going. That’s what builds character.
His brother Romeo is such a good model Rihanna booked him. He’s literally the only nepo-model who knows what he’s doing, maybe he needs to start a side hustle teaching his peers how to be Naomi Campbell, not Cynthia Bailey. As for his baby sister Harper, she’s growing to be a beautiful young lady. Somebody tell her dad she’s not a baby anymore (read Cynthia Bailey Gives Us Nothing Always).
Mosses: F, Lila Moss is just horrific. It’s like she’s regressing. She didn’t deserve the Victoria Secret show, she doesn’t deserve a single cover. Her lack of progress and increased opportunities is disgusting. Just STOP! How do you grow up surrounded by 90’s supermodels, beyond mom Kate Moss, to be that terrible? Girl…(read Lila Moss Is Just Awful).
Smith’s: B, the parents won’t be counted this year. Willow and Jaden Smith have got to step it up. However, Willow Smith dabbled in modeling this last year and she’s serving body. She needs to work on telling a story with her face, don’t give us the same expression every picture.
Hanks: C+, Chet Hanks is sober, grateful and good at improv, based on his Curb Your Enthusiasm cameo all those years ago. Thank you for your service.
Roberts: F, Emma Roberts who? I just don’t care about her. No star power like aunt Julia Roberts and is only worth noting when depraved. Lame.
Paltrow/Martin: A, Apple Martin found her lane as a debutante and Gwyneth Paltrow destroyed Derek Blasberg. It’s giving Gossip Girl, especially when rumors of Apple being a mean girl circulated in the press. She’s starting to carve her own path.
Kravitzes: D, even Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum’s split was boring.
Cyruses: A+, Miley and Noah are still problematic racists, but everyone in this family is adding to top tier drama. This includes mother Tish Cyrus stealing her babygirl’s man, Trace begging dad Billy Ray to get help and the constant shifting alliances within this family. A mess.
Keough-Presley: A+, it’s a late debut for the Elvis clan, but granddaughter Riley Keough is an amazing actress. She’s constantly taking on varied unique roles. Under The Bridge was one of the best mini series I’ve ever seen. She also serves scandal, suing her grandmother Priscilla Presley and dealing with the loss of her nuclear family in the most dignified manner.
Jagger’s: D-, writing negative reviews from anonymous accounts of skincare competitors to Lucas Jagger lying about attending Columbia on Google (he graduated from NYU also unearned), this family is forever trash. They’re getting a higher grade this year for starting those fires in L.A, teaching everyone a lesson and validating the Devil is Mick Jagger incarnate. Haha told you so (read Revelation 7: Altamont Stabbing).
Richards: C+, I watched Anita Pallenberg’s Catching Fire documentary, it was good. Except for Scarlett Johansson being the narrator. Her monotonous voice isn’t a vibe. Wrong choice. Good job Marlon Richards.
Richie’s: D, Nicole Richie’s ‘Simple Life’ comeback was not the vibe. It seems her and Neo-Nazi bff Paris Hilton tried to compete with the Kardashians for reality dominance. It didn’t work out. Sofia and Nicole did all that Uncle Tom-ing, for it to amount to a hill of beans. Find a new formula, this one’s expired (read Kanye West & Paris Hilton At Satanic Ritual).
Harvey’s: F-, Steve Harvey will not be carrying the family this year, he’s not a nepo-baby. Therefore Lori Harvey being basic, boring, and having no real talent has failed. Dismally. Throw the whole girl away, another person Uncle Tom-ing for nothing, she’s irrelevant.
Johnson/Griffith: A, there’s no drama Dakota Johnson isn’t willing to face. She’s here for all the smoke and it’s glorious. She’s put deluded Annabelle Wallis in her place multiple times by reminding her Chris Martin is her man. While Wallis planted lies about being engaged to the Coldplay singer, Dakota is the one with the ring. Annabelle Wallis also left disparaging comments about Dakota Johnson on my blog regarding her Madame Web movie, using a fake name. In return Dakota Johnson put PR boyfriend Sebastian Stan in an upcoming film. Dakota Johnson is a gangster (read Mick Jagger Lies About Noor Alfallah).
Trump’s: D, this is the best they’ve ever gotten. They validated me as the Goddess of Democracy, winning the Presidency (read Donald Trump Visits Jose Alba). However, they were unable to keep it together long enough to earn their souls back and ultimately got played. After Donald Trump double crossed multiple political parties, world leaders and higher beings, including Satan himself. Tsk tsk. Thank you for your service satanist. Ivanka Trump helped land a higher grade, as she’s a messy, mixy, ambitious bitch, who turned on her father and distanced herself from the family that led to his initial downfall. Intriguing. What will she do next?
Lopez: A, George Lopez not Jennifer. His daughter Mayan Lopez is talented, funny and beautiful. She’s using her show to educate culturally and mental health wise. Vulnerability takes strength (read Thoughts On Mayan Lopez).
Baldwin-Beiber’s: C+, Hailey Bieber is always in the wrong shit, she can’t help it. Separating Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber by black magic, stealing from my blog, being racist, leaving evidence that Salma Hayek killed Matthew Perry. She gonna chase that limelight honey. She also had beef with father Steven Baldwin (read Salma Hayek Killed Matthew Perry).
Never one to be outdone Alec Baldwin lives in drama, Rust shooting setup, his wife Hilaria doubling down on tall tales of being Spanish, and learning to sue the shit out of people from me. Next year’s grade is already on the up & up. Shia LaBeouf just recently leaked emails and Alec landed a reality show on TLC. Let’s see if he reprises his role as Donald Trump on SNL. Don’t feel bad for that duplicitous monster. Do you agree with my assessment? I think I was beyond fair. Via: Yahoo
Updated: 1/4/2026 11:41pm
