Nepo-Baby Report Card 2026

By: Saint Twenty
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Let’s get straight to business. The annual nepo-baby report card is here. As you know, if you’re removed your grade didn’t change. Except for one family, they’ve been removed for irrelevance and will be mentioned so there’s no confusion. I started the nepo-baby drama and am the only person who can do this. Anyone else would be mauled.

Carter-Knowles: A-, Blue Ivy seems judgmental, unimpressed, and has this quiet demeanor of being above everyone, yet humble about it. Talking to Taylor Swift she was aloof af. This is what I like to see, gatekeeper energy. I forgot she’s only 13 performing with her mother at stadiums. While cousin Julez Smith watches from the audience, confused at fans flocking to him for photographs. A spitting image of his grandmother, Solange’s son stepped up his modeling game. The boy’s a natural (read Julez Smith Is Model Material).

Hadid’s: F, Gigi Hadid had the sheer audacity to debut that October Vogue cover, like it was some big to do. Bitch did the bare minimum. Bella Hadid didn’t do anything but prove she’s laundering child trafficking money through Orabella (read Bella Hadid Launders Trafficking Money). Neither of them rectified what they did to Gaza, because they’re performative. The two gained a secret sister, who seems cool, but hasn’t collected the perks of being related to them through deadbeat dad Mohamed Hadid.

Beckham’s: B+, Brooklyn Beckham is still at odds with his entire family minus baby sister Harper. Why? We’ve yet to truly find out. Did they disrespect his wife Nicola Peltz? Thinking she’d kiss Victoria Beckham’s ring as mother in law? I hope not, because he’s wrapped around his wife’s finger. Unlike Gwen Stefani, Nicola knows what she’s doing in bed, he ain’t going nowhere. Scandal for this family continued with Cruz Beckham debuting a girlfriend ten years his senior. So far we see he’s geared towards music, bold move. His mom was a Spice Girl, the pressure is on and we’re waiting. Side note: I think he should dye his hair David Beckham blond, from back in the day. As for Romeo Beckham, everyone is praising his modeling skills. After last year’s nepo report card he quit soccer, focusing on modeling full time. He was born for this.

Rinna/Hamlin: B+, I dragged Amelia Gray and Delilah Belle through the catacombs about being some of the worst, most irrelevant models I’ve ever had the misfortune to see. Gave them an F, removed them from the list for two years, because the grade was unchanging…until now. They took what I said and worked their asses off to hone their skills. They’re almost there, Delilah’s lack of confidence is showing on camera. Certifying being gorgeous isn’t enough, you have to feel it to exude it (read Hamlin Sisters Part 2).

Paltrow/Martin: B-, Apple Martin is starting to come out from her parent’s shadows. Mostly modeling. Beautiful girl, but it was nothing to write home about. The minus comes from mother Gwyneth Paltrow misusing the term punk rock, after seeing me describe my husband as such. I don’t think she knows wtf it means. Literally everything she’s described as punk rock isn’t. Irritating me.

Kravitzes: B-, Zoe Kravitz is stepping it up. Snatching brand deals, releasing films, and bounced back on the dating scene with pop star beau Harry Styles. Rumors of a romance with Austin Butler were squashed, when she was seen holding hands with Harry in France. I believe she hooked up with Butler, but the musician was more her taste.

Richards: C-, Alexandra Richards is carrying the team on her back. Spinning records for her life as a dj. Ella Richards needs to do more modeling if she’s going to model and less socializing. While she’s at it, blow our minds with different facial expressions. Thanks. The Jaggers are removed for irrelevance.

Schwarzeneggers: C, Katherine Schwarzenegger snagged a Hollywood actor and writes children’s books. Brother Patrick Schwarzenegger was a controversial topic for his role in “White Lotus.” I don’t feel his character, rich, white male, was a stretch from his reality to give accolades for his acting. He wasn’t terrible, but this was an easy portrayal.

Richies: B, I’ve looked at Nicole Richie’s jewelry collection. I think some people get by on a name, like Jade Jagger, but I would wear Nicole’s pieces. Sister Sofia Richie dropped another baby clothing capsule and it was cute. That Met Gala dress she wore by Tommy Hilfiger, chic, chic, chic.

Depps: A-, Nosferatu premiered December of 2024, truly making its rounds in 2025. The acting was solid. Love this film.

Skarsgards: A+, can’t believe it took me so long to acknowledge this family. It goes without saying why they’ve achieved this grade. I forgot they’re nepo-babies. All of them are incredible actors, good looking, and have their own niche.

Combs: C-, Nothing these kids have done has surpassed or equaled Diddy’s accomplishments. Still in his shadow for sure. Standing ten toes down on their father’s side, they live in scandal and haven’t spiraled out of control due to it. People have lost control for less, they get points for that.

Kidman/Urban: F, Sunday Rose made that atrocious runway debut. She gave us nothing and was labeled an “IT” girl. NOPE! Furthermore her parent’s divorce supersedes whatever she claims to be pursuing. A lot of talk and not nearly enough action (read Sunday Rose Isn’t A Model).

Musks: C+, Elon Musk is a nepo-baby. I want everyone to remember without his pedo father, Errol, he’d be nothing. The man is a fake genius with zero creations of his own, failed space ventures, false net worth’s for attention, ludicrous predictions that never pan out. A criminal fraud (read Elon Musk The Fake Genius & Trillionaire). Still, he gave us one of the best meme weeks in the history of the internet, exposing Donald Trump. For that we salute you (read Elon Musk Vs. Donald Trump 2).

Burrusses: B+, Riley Burruss made her reality television debut alongside musician mogul mama Kandi Burruss, on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Could she carry a show on her own though? The answer is a resounding YES. ABSOLUTELY loved her on Next Gen NYC, that cast was perfection. Trust I had HUGE doubts about this show, HUGE. Happy I was wrong. She had me cracking up (read Next Gen NYC: Charlie Zakkour Is Vital).

Bergen/Malle: F-, Chloe Malle took over as Vogue’s head bitch in charge. Chosen by Anna Wintour herself. A terrible mistake. This girl is basic af, she’s already made poor choices and she’s vanilla. Boring. The girl lacks creativity, I don’t care about her opinion, because why should I? And she plays it safe. Then has the sheer audacity to brag about being a nepo-baby when she has nothing to show for it (read Reality Check: Chloe Malle). An overachiever, I know she’s going to pretend this grade doesn’t bother her, except it does. She’s limpid, predictable, trite.

Trumps: F, a hot ass mess. Jeff Epstein didn’t like Donald Trump, he blew Bill “Bubba” Clinton, and Israel is blackmailing him to run OUR country. He’s a sloppy senile, walking circles in foreign lands. He’s one of the most depraved people to ever disgrace the Earth’s surface (read Bibi Netanyahu Blackmailing Donald Trump).

McCartneys: C+, I liked the outfits Stella McCartney created for Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter tour. Also the models she chose for her campaigns. But what else? Lackluster. Doesn’t have nearly enough going on for a fashion brand.

Rosses: A, Trace Ellis Ross is focused on being a style icon. We’ll see. Last minute, out the woodwork, brother Evan Ross beat Pam Bondi’s lying ass for photoshopping his mother and Michael Jackson. She literally blurred out his face, along with Paris and Prince Jackson’s to make them look like unidentified victims on an Epstein flight. This was premium behavior on his part. Premium. I hope they sue and collect that bag (read DOJ Photoshops Michael Jackson & Diana Ross). Thank you for clearing Michael’s name, Wakanda forever.

Carters: B+, Stumbling upon a Carter Christmas, I wanted to see what Lil Wayne’s sons were like. They made their debuts on sister Reginae Carter’s YouTube show, Hier Time. Stunned to the core by how reserved and incredibly smart they are. Lauren London’s son is surprisingly sage. The sibling dynamic had me cracking up. Like left in tears actually, because it’s clear Reginae is unhinged and completely unaware that she’s out of her mind. Something the brothers communicate cutting eyes at each often, which she seems to miss. They asked her to stop twerking, an activity she denied doing, only for a montage of her doing exactly that to roll. She made them do school during COVID, irking their souls, along with her constant horoscope references. She’s right about astrology! Leave her alone.

Baldwin-Beiber’s: C, I liked Alec and Hiliaria Baldwin’s show, because they have a funny relationship dynamic. Their daughter Carmen is gorg and likable, the baby is bad af. Niece Hailey Bieber sold Rhode for a billion dollars, which really means they inflated her net worth so she can launder money like her BFF’s (read All’s Fair When You Launder Money). Needless to say I’m not impressed by her, or her lies to compete with Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez. Do you agree with this year’s grades? Via: MSN

Updated: 1/5/2026 12:19am

Nepo-Baby Report Card 2025

By: Saint Twenty
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And we’re back! If you’ve been removed your grade hasn’t changed. Let’s get to it then, our third annual NEPO-BABY GRADESSSSSSS!

Carter-Knowles: B+, Blue Ivy was in the limelight a lot in 2024, onstage performing, in movies with her mama, accepting awards with her father, or on the red carpet. Best of all, she looks annoyed to be doing it. She’s gorgeous and carries herself like a dignified young lady. 

Jolie-Pitts: A, this is long overdue for Angelina Jolie, a phenomenal actress. She definitely outshines father Jon Voigt in every way, especially when it comes to teaching karma. Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina, because Jennifer didn’t want kids. Only for his children to disown him. Somebody should’ve told him- Gemini’s ruin lives.

Hadid’s: D-, their grade increased due to my joy of their childhood home burning down in those fires, at the hands of their false G-D Satan. Making me immensely happy. Finally something interesting about them (read Irina, Bradley And Gigi Are Liars).

Crawford’s: F-, if Kaia Gerber put as much energy into any form of work, as she does bed hopping, she’d get far. Her love life isn’t even interesting, she’s failed in all facets of celebrity. No personality. No intrigue. No passion or drive due to entitlement. She’s boring. A complete dud. NEXT! She’s simply not a star like mother Cindy Crawford .

Beckham’s: B, Brooklyn didn’t give up on his cooking dream despite being annihilated. That’s what we like to see, effort and tenacity. You fall, you get back up, adapt and keep going. That’s what builds character. 
His brother Romeo is such a good model Rihanna booked him. He’s literally the only nepo-model who knows what he’s doing, maybe he needs to start a side hustle teaching his peers how to be Naomi Campbell, not Cynthia Bailey. As for his baby sister Harper, she’s growing to be a beautiful young lady. Somebody tell her dad she’s not a baby anymore (read Cynthia Bailey Gives Us Nothing Always).

Mosses: F, Lila Moss is just horrific. It’s like she’s regressing. She didn’t deserve the Victoria Secret show, she doesn’t deserve a single cover. Her lack of progress and increased opportunities is disgusting. Just STOP! How do you grow up surrounded by 90’s supermodels, beyond mom Kate Moss, to be that terrible? Girl…(read Lila Moss Is Just Awful).

Smith’s: B, the parents won’t be counted this year. Willow and Jaden Smith have got to step it up. However, Willow Smith dabbled in modeling this last year and she’s serving body. She needs to work on telling a story with her face, don’t give us the same expression every picture. 

Hanks: C+, Chet Hanks is sober, grateful and good at improv, based on his Curb Your Enthusiasm cameo all those years ago. Thank you for your service. 

Roberts: F, Emma Roberts who? I just don’t care about her. No star power like aunt Julia Roberts and is only worth noting when depraved. Lame. 

Paltrow/Martin: A, Apple Martin found her lane as a debutante and Gwyneth Paltrow destroyed Derek Blasberg. It’s giving Gossip Girl, especially when rumors of Apple being a mean girl circulated in the press. She’s starting to carve her own path. 

Kravitzes: D, even Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum’s split was boring. 

Cyruses: A+, Miley and Noah are still problematic racists, but everyone in this family is adding to top tier drama. This includes mother Tish Cyrus stealing her babygirl’s man, Trace begging dad Billy Ray to get help and the constant shifting alliances within this family. A mess.

Keough-Presley: A+, it’s a late debut for the Elvis clan, but granddaughter Riley Keough is an amazing actress. She’s constantly taking on varied unique roles. Under The Bridge was one of the best mini series I’ve ever seen. She also serves scandal, suing her grandmother Priscilla Presley and dealing with the loss of her nuclear family in the most dignified manner. 

Jagger’s: D-, writing negative reviews from anonymous accounts of skincare competitors to Lucas Jagger lying about attending Columbia on Google (he graduated from NYU also unearned), this family is forever trash. They’re getting a higher grade this year for starting those fires in L.A, teaching everyone a lesson and validating the Devil is Mick Jagger incarnate. Haha told you so (read Revelation 7: Altamont Stabbing).

Richards: C+, I watched Anita Pallenberg’s Catching Fire documentary, it was good. Except for Scarlett Johansson being the narrator. Her monotonous voice isn’t a vibe. Wrong choice. Good job Marlon Richards.

Richie’s: D, Nicole Richie’s ‘Simple Life’ comeback was not the vibe. It seems her and  Neo-Nazi bff Paris Hilton tried to compete with the Kardashians for reality dominance. It didn’t work out. Sofia and Nicole did all that Uncle Tom-ing, for it to amount to a hill of beans. Find a new formula, this one’s expired (read Kanye West & Paris Hilton At Satanic Ritual).

Harvey’s: F-, Steve Harvey will not be carrying the family this year, he’s not a nepo-baby. Therefore Lori Harvey being basic, boring, and having no real talent has failed. Dismally. Throw the whole girl away, another person Uncle Tom-ing for nothing, she’s irrelevant. 

Johnson/Griffith: A, there’s no drama Dakota Johnson isn’t willing to face. She’s here for all the smoke and it’s glorious. She’s put deluded Annabelle Wallis in her place multiple times by reminding her Chris Martin is her man. While Wallis planted lies about being engaged to the Coldplay singer, Dakota is the one with the ring. Annabelle Wallis also left disparaging comments about Dakota Johnson on my blog regarding her Madame Web movie, using a fake name. In return Dakota Johnson put PR boyfriend Sebastian Stan in an upcoming film. Dakota Johnson is a gangster (read Mick Jagger Lies About Noor Alfallah).

Trump’s: D, this is the best they’ve ever gotten. They validated me as the Goddess of Democracy, winning the Presidency (read Donald Trump Visits Jose Alba). However, they were unable to keep it together long enough to earn their souls back and ultimately got played. After Donald Trump double crossed multiple political parties, world leaders and higher beings, including Satan himself. Tsk tsk. Thank you for your service satanist. Ivanka Trump helped land a higher grade, as she’s a messy, mixy, ambitious bitch, who turned on her father and distanced herself from the family that led to his initial downfall. Intriguing. What will she do next?

Lopez: A, George Lopez not Jennifer. His daughter Mayan Lopez is talented, funny and beautiful. She’s using her show to educate culturally and mental health wise. Vulnerability takes strength (read  Thoughts On Mayan Lopez).

Baldwin-Beiber’s: C+, Hailey Bieber is always in the wrong shit, she can’t help it. Separating Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber by black magic, stealing from my blog, being racist, leaving evidence that Salma Hayek killed Matthew Perry. She gonna chase that limelight honey. She also had beef with father Steven Baldwin (read Salma Hayek Killed Matthew Perry).
Never one to be outdone Alec Baldwin lives in drama, Rust shooting setup, his wife Hilaria doubling down on tall tales of being Spanish, and learning to sue the shit out of people from me. Next year’s grade is already on the up & up. Shia LaBeouf just recently leaked emails and Alec landed a reality show on TLC. Let’s see if he reprises his role as Donald Trump on SNL. Don’t feel bad for that duplicitous monster. Do you agree with my assessment? I think I was beyond fair. Via: Yahoo

Updated: 1/4/2026 11:41pm





Nepo-Baby Report Card 2024

By: Saint Twenty
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It’s our second ever Nepo-Baby Grades! This year I’m focusing exclusively on the nepotism recipient, parents can no longer contribute to family grades. People who haven’t made a significant change have been removed. Miley Cyrus is never going to not get an A, ya know? She exceeded her parents, excelling by leaps and bounds. There have been a few new additions as well. Let’s begin!

Denzel Washington: A+, John David Washington is still incredibly talented, handsome and humble af. Black excellence.

The Olsens: A+, Congratulations are in order, Ashley Olsen had a baby this past summer! Making talented sisters, Mary-Kate and Elizabeth Olsen aunts. Bless baby Otto with a childhood filled with the joy and fun his mother gave me during mine.

The Baldwins/Bieber: D, same reasons as last year (read First Ever NEPO-BABY Grades). They went down due to Hailey Baldwin Bieber becoming worse as she ages. Satanic coven (read Selena Gomez Is L’Wren Scott and Power Couple “Coincidence”), unearned accolades, zero remorse.

The Hadid’s: F, this is 100% due to Gigi Hadid and her father. Bella Hadid increased this grade humbling herself, aligning her actions with the almighty GOD, being the Able to her sisters Cain. Unfortunately Gigi’s horrific, hypocritical, entitled, racist, hateful, satanic energy (along with the rest of her family) caused a war (read Now You Care But I Don’t). She’s also an attention seeking liar (read Irina, Bradley And Gigi Are Liars). These issues were far too great to overlook. Has anybody apologized to Zayn? Like that’s the thing, they don’t feel bad about their actions, they feel bad they didn’t get away with it. That there are consequences.

The Crawfords: C, Kaia still isn’t serving face. If Kaia Gerber is passionate about anything in life, I don’t see it. It’s not reflecting in her acting nor her modeling. This grade would have been lower, considering her mom’s satanic coven affiliations, but it’s about the nepo-baby this year. On the plus side, Presley Gerber stopped his unhinged social media posts.

Beckhams: D, Brooklyn Beckham can add failed Uber Eats pop-up to his resume, right under the cooking show that also bombed. His biggest success to date? Marrying Nicola Peltz, billionaire Nelson Peltz’s daughter. Does she hate her husband’s mom? Are they in a throuple with Selena Gomez? All of these questions stem from Nicola, the most interesting thing about him after, his parents.
Brooklyn, if you want to be a legitimate chef you need to go to school. This profession is an art that requires foundation and technique you need to master, before jumping to creative outlets. Your parents can give you the connections, as they did with Uber Eats, but you’ll get nowhere. The food speaks period, meanwhile you didn’t cook. You hired cooks, like a nepo-baby. Chef Michel Roux Jr. comes from a family of cooking legends, he would never embarrass them as such. He got his ass up and worked, like your satanic friends advise. How dare you? Grow up. Only skill will help you in this industry. Do you even know the different cuts of meat? Do you have knife skills? Too bad your family aligned terribly, you could have been a perfect fit for my ideas. Welp.
Surprisingly Romeo Beckham being a great model earned them points. Of course the only good nepo-model is under utilized. Romeo tells the story, serving face, body and that intangible je ne sais quoi.

Mosses: D-, whatever Kate Moss has didn’t pass down to her daughter Lila Moss, nor her sister Lottie Moss. Every time Kate does a shoot with her daughter, Lila’s lack becomes more pronounced. Lila doesn’t have to work for it and it shows. Every runway, every coveted magazine cover was earned by Kate. Lila deserves none of it, look at her October 2021 Vogue Hong Kong cover, it’s obvious she doesn’t know what she’s doing. But that doesn’t matter, because mama being fashion royalty can asks her friends to give you the campaigns, billboards and spreads.

The Smith’s: C, last year the parents were contributing to the grades, not anymore. Jada Pinkett Smith alone earned them an A++, she’s bringing the drama with husband Will Smith. I’m talking blasting Margot Robbie (we all knew), getting him banned from The Academy Awards, playing men at their own game. However, we need to see more from the children. Based on the success of Whip My Hair by Willow Smith and Jaden Smith’s acting, their creative expressions and business ventures, they have what it takes. They just need to mature, cleanse their circle and focus their energy.
I mean, their parents are bringing unpredictable, unmanufactured, grade A star power.

The Hanks: D, Chet Hanks is carrying this family on his back. Had I included the parents, this would’ve been an F due to Rita Wilson’s satanic coven. That’s not feminism, you’re evil.

Roberts: C-, Emma Roberts stays booked and busy, unfortunately that’s not enough. While Julia Roberts is one of the best to ever do it, Emma is not. Made worse by consistent and continuous reports of her bratty, hateful, entitled behavior.

Paltrow/Martin: B+, Gwyneth Paltrow did what she needed to do, even giving us an iconic trial. The outfits, the elitist nature of the case, the facial expressions, the trauma of losing half a day of skiing, the memes, the petty winnings of a single dollar, unmanufactured gold. What did she whisper into the optometrist’s ear? Round of applause to all parties involved. However, her children are getting attention without doing much of anything.

Kravitzes: C-, all Lenny and Zoe Kravitz have done is support hateful people, who if permitted would lynch them. Getting engaged to Channing Tatum would have been relevant ten years ago. Bored. Enjoy your time.

Depps: F, between her delusional comments regarding nepotism and The Idol getting canned, Lily-Rose Depp isn’t the vibe. For anyone else it’d be career suicide, but she’s a nepo-baby. She’ll still get cast thanks to Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. I literally have zero interest in her professional or personal life, maybe her upcoming movies will portray her in a different light. One where she can carry a career without mommy and daddy having earned it for her.

Coppola: A+, Sofia Coppola is the reason people think talent is genetic. Actually the Coppola family in general, Francis Ford Coppola is the uncle of Nicolas Cage and Jason Schwartzman. All incredibly talented, even though Nicolas Cage takes me over the edge. Like why? Why everything? He’s one of the most outlandish, absurd people. The dinosaurs, attributing his acting improvements to his pet snakes and octopus…I can’t.

Apatow: B+, Maude Apatow has been gracing screens since childhood, after watching several of her roles I can honestly say she’s good. She has what it takes to be a serious actress. She’s a natural. Even those commercials she does with mom Leslie Mann have depth. Let’s see how her body of work progresses though, you know I love me some Euphoria.

Jagger’s: F, Georgia May Jagger is that your skincare line or your mom’s? The packaging screams modern 80s, the decade Jerry Hall reigned. Her influence is all over it. I know you wrote those anonymous reviews discrediting a legitimate company. You’re remorseless, entitled, talentless, racists, satanic, it’s not cute. Mick Jagger is still the most interesting thing about any of you and you ruined that. Jail and hell, that’s all these kids earned. A mess.

Richards: F-, Theodora Richards being entitled, hateful, not as sexy or enthralling as her parents, heavily contributed to this poor grade. If you don’t take your basic white ass on. The only lesson you taught me is that you’re stupid, a follower, and earned every terrible thing coming to you. Let me know when you match, or exceed your parent’s success, before you ever open that skeletal mouth. Your silver spoon came from black people.

Richie’s: A-, two words- quiet luxury. Sofia Richie is stepping her game up, her fashion has been on point, the wedding, the baby. I was going to give a B+, but again she made quiet luxury trend, to the point where people copied her. I know this is the handiwork of style icon Nicole Richie.
Nicole took her baby sister under her wing, proving she is a fashion pillar. Refusing to let Scott Disick be Sofia’s defining moment. The teamwork is what got them the grade. It reminds me of my baby sister, making sure she navigated college properly, wanting her to do better than me. Now she thinks people over 30 shouldn’t wear camouflage pants. I don’t know that I agree, but the level of editorial critiquing, I couldn’t be more proud. We did it Joe!

Harvey’s: D-, Lori Harvey is giving just a pretty face vibes. Beyond hanging with her satanic coven and dating, I don’t know what she does. All her dabbling hasn’t produced anything significant. Boreddddddddddddddddd. Boringgggggggggg.

Hawke: D, Maya Hawke doesn’t pop. She holds her own, but it’s just not star quality. Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke are incredible actors, top fucking tier. If you’re gonna follow in their footsteps, you need to step it up. It’s giving coddled, needs real life experience vibes. There’s no intrigue here, like why should I care about you beyond your parents? I don’t.
Ethan Hawke almost made me cry in Leave The World Behind, begging that man for medication to stop his son’s teeth from falling out. You understand? Moved to tears. That’s the caliber of acting your parents are on.

Johnson/Griffins: B+, Dakota Johnson is perfectly unhinged: the friendship with her bf’s ex-wife that irritates him- Chris Martin, the extreme mental health tactics, her dragging Ellen Degeneres living rent free in my mind forever. Beautiful, fiery, unpredictable. Now that’s intriguing.

Trumps: F, this went up from a minus due to Donald Trump shading that satanic family, despite his daughter being in their coven. Between Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump Jr. saying there are too many black people in his neighborhood, that’s a no for me dawg. Inbreds, it’s giving inbreds.
How did they fair to you? Via: Cosmopolitan Magazine/Getty Images

Updated:1/4/2026 11:42pm

First Ever NEPO-BABY Grades

By: Saint Twenty
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Tom Hank’s disappointed everyone with his stupid comment, newsflash doctors, lawyers, bankers, the professions you’re naming require tests. They also require skills, that you can’t fake or the consequences are dire. Stop justifying your entitled, mediocre/talentless spawn taking opportunities from people who have the gift. A gift that did, or did not pass down. Also if your kids had access to greatness and still suck, what does that say about you? I’ll tell you, you failed. Hanks gave me a brilliant idea! I’ll now start the first ever NEPO-BABY family grades. You aren’t entitled to our money, or love. If we want to cancel you, we can and will. If we don’t want to watch, listen, see you, it’s our choice and like the professions you ignorantly named, we can fucking fire you, cut your pay.
Cancel culture is a term coined by celebrities, gaslighting the public for holding them accountable. It’s only right since I started the conversation by calling out Mick Jagger’s idiot kids, who have so much to say, but zero talent, which is why no one should listen to their opinions on anything. The fuck do they know? Nothing, they’ve earned nothing on their own, but feel entitled to everything and are trash. That’s why it matters, you guys act like entitled tyrants. History repeats itself, tyrants fall, like Napoleon (king of Nepotism). Let’s begin.

Denzel Washington: A PLUS, his son John David Washington is a top tier actor, who did it his way. Had no idea they were related until I Googled him (read: Nepo-Baby Know Your Place).

The Olsens: A PLUS. Mary Kate and Ashley raised me. Elizabeth Olsen is hot and an amazing actress.

The Baldwins/Bieber: C MINUS, this is me being nice. Alec Baldwin is a murderer, his brothers aren’t as talented, his daughter Ireland is racist trash, like her cousin black magician Hailey Bieber (read: Selena Gomez Is L’Wren Scott). I have her on troll accounts being exactly that. She also copies black people, taking my Britney Spears Halloween costume idea and getting so much praise (read: Halloween Inspo: Britney Spears Videos I’ll post side by sides later, Google it until then). No one cared about her fits this year, I’m the fucking vibe. Don’t troll me, then copy me. Basic whites. Which is why Hiliaria Baldwin pretended to have an entire lineage in Spain. Fucking weirdos. However, I love Alec on 30 Rock and Chynna Phillips.

The Hadid’s: D, not only is Yolanda a reality star who traumatized her kids and lied on Zayn, all of them (dad included) are racist trash. Gigi and Bella are horrific models, same faces every shoot. Bella literally stole Carla Bruni’s face like a freak (read: Negligence Is The New Black), both of them are BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

The Crawfords: B PLUS, Kaia needs to work on serving face and she’d be right on the money. She’s also not that bad of an actress, she’s isn’t great, but tolerable.

Rinna/Hamlin: F, honestly, no explanation needed. I have never seen two NEPO models be so desperate for attention, yet so irrelevant. Amelia Gray and Delilah (who messed up her face) are a joke. Also racist.

Mosses: D, Kate Moss is an iconic model, her daughter Lila Moss is not. Her sister Lottie Moss should have just done porn. Then maybe she could be successful at something. Half naked and we still don’t want you. She’s thirsty too, bitch is parched. It’s sad how desperate she is.

The Smith’s: B PLUS, their kids haven’t equaled or outshined them, they’re more socialites. Will and Jada Smith though are stars, from work to drama, they keep us talking. They stay in memes, scandal, made entanglement a thing, the Academy Awards slap is historical (literally Tom Cruise you held someone hostage stfu, you should be banned too, in fact many people have done far worse).

The Hanks: D, Tom Hanks is one of my favorite actors, The Burbs is one of my favorite movies, his kids though. He said it was a family business, businesses get grades too (Better Business Bureau). One of your sons is inappropriate and appropriating a culture. The other just isn’t you, he doesn’t have it.

Hudson/Hawn’s: C MINUS, Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies and the only thing Kate Hudson was good in. She doesn’t hold a match to mom, Goldie Hawns, acting ability. Then had the audacity to be delusional about it…girl. Fool’s Gold…Matthew McConaughey did Dallas Buyers Club. Step it up before you open your mouth. You stayed on that level, he has actual talent. That’s why he went from Failure To Launch and Wedding Planner to better roles. You’re mediocre. No one told you, because NEPOTISM.

Paltrow’s: A, Gwyneth Paltrow is a terrible human being, but an amazing actress. She outshined her parents by leaps and bounds, thus continuing their legacy. Blythe Danner, who I met a long time ago outside of Pinkberry on the Upper East Side (she was nice), is also an award winner. Depending on her children with Chris Martin, this grade is subject to change.

Kravitzes: A MINUS, Zoe Kravitz has made enough of a name for herself that her parents aren’t mentioned every time she’s written about. So far she’s carrying the legacy well. I didn’t like or finish Batman, nor will I, it bored me. The Heath/Bale/Gyllenhaal version was a masterpiece. Zoe was the most exciting part.

Gyllenhaal’s: A PLUS, I mean do I need to expound? Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal (who are of Swedish nobility) are top fucking tier actors. A no brainer.
One time I saw Jake walking with his boo in Soho, wearing sweatpants and boy was he wearing them, if you know what I mean.

Levy’s: A, Dan Levy is talented and funny like his father Eugene Levy. Both have great eyebrows, plus Dan’s hot. His work is building; based on how he made Tostito’s commercials funny, great things are in store.

Collin’s: A, love Phil Collins music and Lily Collins is making a name for herself in a different field. I fuck with Emily In Paris HEAVY.

Jagger’s: F MINUS, trash, trash, trash, throw the whole family out. The only good thing Mick Jagger created is his art. Those kids are idiot jokes, with idiot moms. Most of them are going to jail for aiding in a hate crime felony, they were kicked out of the will, Georgia May ruined both her parents relationships and is a horrific model, Lucas came out not cute as Luciana Giminez karma for being quite literally a fame whore, James Jagger is a failed actor, model, and musician, Jade Jagger is a sloppy mess with a mid tier business, Melanie Hamrick is ugly, unstable, untalented and had a murder rape baby with her mental issues and Mick’s psychopathy. None of them contribute to the family legacy, because their dad is the most interesting thing about them. Hell bound losers.

Richards: D, Patti Hansen is the only hot one left and has a legacy of her own. The kids aren’t relevant, but Alexandra Richards has a passion for Djing. Theodora Richards got arrested once, which scored points. Had they showed common sense, compassion, they would have scored higher.

Rosses: C, Evan Ross is a glorified socialite, contributes nothing. What he has given isn’t relevant. Mediocre. Tracee Ellis Ross, fraudulent and tries too hard to be a style icon. Still, she’s funny. Diana Ross getting angry at Andy Warhol for making her too black on the Interview cover (I’ll post later), points were taken off. Things started to make sense about her family’s behavior.

Richie’s: B, Nicole Richie through her marriage to Joel Madden, iconic behavior in the early aughts, acting potential, businesses and mirth is carrying Lionel Richie’s legacy. I didn’t know he had a son until two years ago (he’s hot) and Sophia doesn’t really do anything. Had it not been for Scott Disick, she’d be practically irrelevant.

Cyruses: A MINUS, Miley and Noah both problematic. However, Miley soared. She exceeds her father by a million, elevating the legacy. I don’t even have to say more. Billy Ray gave her a leg up and she did that shit.

Harvey’s: C, Steve Harvey puts in that work. However, Lori Harvey nothing sticks. What do you do? Too many things, because you’re not good at anything. She’s pretty so there’s that. I was going to give them a D, but her good looks coupled with Steve’s career got them points. She bores me.

Joneses: A PLUS, Quincey and Rashida Jones make you think greatness is hereditary. Rashida is down to earth, isn’t an asshole and how do you not love her? Like who has a problem with Rashida Jones? Are you a monster from hell?

Barrymore’s: A, Drew Barrymore surpassed her parents. She also became a party icon at fucking seven…like what? I don’t care for her talk show, but watched her work all my life (including the canceled out of nowhere Santa Clarita Diet).

Johnson/Griffins: B, only because Dakota Johnson needs to think before she speaks from her insular bubble. However, she did drag Ellen on her own show, ICONIC. Love a sassy bitch who keeps it 100. Her work is still building, nothing quality yet, but her hot dad Don Johnson is a style icon (read: Style With: Miami Vice). While Melanie Griffin, Tippi Hedren and ex stepdad Antonio Banderas, works speaks for itself.

Trumps: F MINUS, Trump endorsed racism (pining the Corona virus on Asians, hate crimes against them, Jewish people, LGBTQIA, women, black people, Hispanic/Spanish/Latin people increased), misogyny, rape, allowed death refusing to give hospitals necessary equipment to combat COVID, keeping us all trapped inside, denying science, committed multiple crimes, including people climbing the literal White House, fraud, misinformation, pedophilia and so much more. Had he just stayed a reality star, Ivana still likable, as a feminist icon, they’d score higher.

From here on out I’ll be grading you annually at minimum. My kids will do it, their kids will do it. The power belongs to the people, without them you’re nothing. It’s time to humble you hoes. Congratulations, you just watched history be made. Athena. Via: British Vogue