First Ever NEPO-BABY Grades

Tom Hank’s disappointed everyone with his stupid comment, newsflash doctors, lawyers, bankers, the professions you’re naming require tests. They also require skills, that you can’t fake or the consequences are dire. Stop justifying your entitled, mediocre/talentless spawn taking opportunities from people who have the gift. A gift that did, or did not pass down. Also if your kids had access to greatness and still suck, what does that say about you? I’ll tell you, you failed. Hanks gave me a brilliant idea! I’ll now start the first ever NEPO-BABY family grades. You aren’t entitled to our money, or love. If we want to cancel you, we can and will. If we don’t want to watch, listen, see you, it’s our choice and like the professions you ignorantly named, we can fucking fire you, cut your pay.
Cancel culture is a term coined by celebrities, gaslighting the public for holding them accountable. It’s only right since I started the conversation by calling out Mick Jagger’s idiot kids, who have so much to say, but zero talent, which is why no one should listen to their opinions on anything. The fuck do they know? Nothing, they’ve earned nothing on their own, but feel entitled to everything and are trash. That’s why it matters, you guys act like entitled tyrants. History repeats itself, tyrants fall, like Napoleon (king of Nepotism). Let’s begin.

Denzel Washington: A PLUS, his son John David Washington is a top tier actor, who did it his way. Had no idea they were related until I Googled him (read: Nepo-Baby Know Your Place).

The Olsens: A PLUS. Mary Kate and Ashley raised me. Elizabeth Olsen is hot and an amazing actress.

The Baldwins/Bieber: C MINUS, this is me being nice. Alec Baldwin is a murderer, his brothers aren’t as talented, his daughter Ireland is racist trash, like her cousin black magician Hailey Bieber (read: Selena Gomez Is L’Wren Scott). I have her on troll accounts being exactly that. She also copies black people, taking my Britney Spears Halloween costume idea and getting so much praise (read: Halloween Inspo: Britney Spears Videos I’ll post side by sides later, Google it until then). No one cared about her fits this year, I’m the fucking vibe. Don’t troll me, then copy me. Basic whites. Which is why Hiliaria Baldwin pretended to have an entire lineage in Spain. Fucking weirdos. However, I love Alec on 30 Rock and Chynna Phillips.

The Hadid’s: D, not only is Yolanda a reality star who traumatized her kids and lied on Zayn, all of them (dad included) are racist trash. Gigi and Bella are horrific models, same faces every shoot. Bella literally stole Carla Bruni’s face like a freak (read: Negligence Is The New Black), both of them are BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

The Crawfords: B PLUS, Kaia needs to work on serving face and she’d be right on the money. She’s also not that bad of an actress, she’s isn’t great, but tolerable.

Rinna/Hamlin: F, honestly, no explanation needed. I have never seen two NEPO models be so desperate for attention, yet so irrelevant. Amelia Gray and Delilah (who messed up her face) are a joke. Also racist.

Mosses: D, Kate Moss is an iconic model, her daughter Lila Moss is not. Her sister Lottie Moss should have just done porn. Then maybe she could be successful at something. Half naked and we still don’t want you. She’s thirsty too, bitch is parched. It’s sad how desperate she is.

The Smith’s: B PLUS, their kids haven’t equaled or outshined them, they’re more socialites. Will and Jada Smith though are stars, from work to drama, they keep us talking. They stay in memes, scandal, made entanglement a thing, the Academy Awards slap is historical (literally Tom Cruise you held someone hostage stfu, you should be banned too, in fact many people have done far worse).

The Hanks: D, Tom Hanks is one of my favorite actors, The Burbs is one of my favorite movies, his kids though. He said it was a family business, businesses get grades too (Better Business Bureau). One of your sons is inappropriate and appropriating a culture. The other just isn’t you, he doesn’t have it.

Hudson/Hawn’s: C MINUS, Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies and the only thing Kate Hudson was good in. She doesn’t hold a match to mom, Goldie Hawns, acting ability. Then had the audacity to be delusional about it…girl. Fool’s GoldMatthew McConaughey did Dallas Buyers Club. Step it up before you open your mouth. You stayed on that level, he has actual talent. That’s why he went from Failure To Launch and Wedding Planner to better roles. You’re mediocre. No one told you, because NEPOTISM.

Paltrow’s: A, Gwyneth Paltrow is a terrible human being, but an amazing actress. She outshined her parents by leaps and bounds, thus continuing their legacy. Blythe Danner, who I met a long time ago outside of Pinkberry on the Upper East Side (she was nice), is also an award winner. Depending on her children with Chris Martin, this grade is subject to change.

Kravitzes: A MINUS, Zoe Kravitz has made enough of a name for herself that her parents aren’t mentioned every time she’s written about. So far she’s carrying the legacy well. I didn’t like or finish Batman, nor will I, it bored me. The Heath/Bale/Gyllenhaal version was a masterpiece. Zoe was the most exciting part.

Gyllenhaal’s: A PLUS, I mean do I need to expound? Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal (who are of Swedish nobility) are top fucking tier actors. A no brainer.
One time I saw Jake walking with his boo in Soho, wearing sweatpants and boy was he wearing them, if you know what I mean.

Levy’s: A, Dan Levy is talented and funny like his father Eugene Levy. Both have great eyebrows, plus Dan’s hot. His work is building; based on how he made Tostito’s commercials funny, great things are in store.

Collin’s: A, love Phil Collins music and Lily Collins is making a name for herself in a different field. I fuck with Emily In Paris HEAVY.

Jagger’s: F MINUS, trash, trash, trash, throw the whole family out. The only good thing Mick Jagger created is his art. Those kids are idiot jokes, with idiot moms. Most of them are going to jail for aiding in a hate crime felony, they were kicked out of the will, Georgia May ruined both her parents relationships and is a horrific model, Lucas came out not cute as Luciana Giminez karma for being quite literally a fame whore, James Jagger is a failed actor, model, and musician, Jade Jagger is a sloppy mess with a mid tier business, Melanie Hamrick is ugly, unstable, untalented and had a murder rape baby with her mental issues and Mick’s psychopathy. None of them contribute to the family legacy, because their dad is the most interesting thing about them. Hell bound losers.

Richards: D, Patti Hansen is the only hot one left and has a legacy of her own. The kids aren’t relevant, but Alexandra Richards has a passion for Djing. Theodora Richards got arrested once, which scored points. Had they showed common sense, compassion, they would have scored higher.

Rosses: C, Evan Ross is a glorified socialite, contributes nothing. What he has given isn’t relevant. Mediocre. Tracee Ellis Ross, fraudulent and tries too hard to be a style icon. Still, she’s funny. Diana Ross getting angry at Andy Warhol for making her too black on the Interview cover (I’ll post later), points were taken off. Things started to make sense about her family’s behavior.

Richie’s: B, Nicole Richie through her marriage to Joel Madden, iconic behavior in the early aughts, acting potential, businesses and mirth is carrying Lionel Richie’s legacy. I didn’t know he had a son until two years ago (he’s hot) and Sophia doesn’t really do anything. Had it not been for Scott Disick, she’d be practically irrelevant.

Cyruses: A MINUS, Miley and Noah both problematic. However, Miley soared. She exceeds her father by a million, elevating the legacy. I don’t even have to say more. Billy Ray gave her a leg up and she did that shit.

Harvey’s: C, Steve Harvey puts in that work. However, Lori Harvey nothing sticks. What do you do? Too many things, because you’re not good at anything. She’s pretty so there’s that. I was going to give them a D, but her good looks coupled with Steve’s career got them points. She bores me.

Joneses: A PLUS, Quincey and Rashida Jones make you think greatness is hereditary. Rashida is down to earth, isn’t an asshole and how do you not love her? Like who has a problem with Rashida Jones? Are you a monster from hell?

Barrymore’s: A, Drew Barrymore surpassed her parents. She also became a party icon at fucking seven…like what? I don’t care for her talk show, but watched her work all my life (including the canceled out of nowhere Santa Clarita Diet).

Johnson/Griffins: B, only because Dakota Johnson needs to think before she speaks from her insular bubble. However, she did drag Ellen on her own show, ICONIC. Love a sassy bitch who keeps it 100. Her work is still building, nothing quality yet, but her hot dad Don Johnson is a style icon (read: Style With: Miami Vice). While Melanie Griffin, Tippi Hedren and ex stepdad Antonio Banderas, works speaks for itself.

Trumps: F MINUS, Trump endorsed racism (pining the Corona virus on Asians, hate crimes against them, Jewish people, LGBTQIA, women, black people, Hispanic/Spanish/Latin people increased), misogyny, rape, allowed death refusing to give hospitals necessary equipment to combat COVID, keeping us all trapped inside, denying science, committed multiple crimes, including people climbing the literal White House, fraud, misinformation, pedophilia and so much more. Had he just stayed a reality star, Ivana still likable, as a feminist icon, they’d score higher.

From here on out I’ll be grading you annually at minimum. My kids will do it, their kids will do it. The power belongs to the people, without them you’re nothing. It’s time to humble you hoes. Congratulations, you just watched history be made. Athena. Via: British Vogue


Jordan Kale Barrett

You didn’t think Genc Jakupi with his basic ass, mediocre acting, and pipe dreams of the big screen was the star of this story? No, no, no, Jordan Kale Barrett is what catapulted me into the eyes of celebrities. He’s the reason they all took an interest in me, how could they not when he made me a whopping twenty of his instagram AND snapchat stories on the night of this picture? The honey haired prince, the embodiment of white entitlement, a blue eyed, blonde hair caucasian male supermodel, an Aryan dream.

Jordan and I first met in 2015 I believe. He was sitting across the street from Webster Hall, rolling out of his mind. I was walking down the street in search of my friend. Halfway down the block this beautiful, adrogynous, feline creature springs from a stoop, asking if I have a cigarette (or lighter). He was so awkward, complimenting me in a nervous manner about my looks. If he weren’t gorgeous he would be creepy. I didn’t find out who he was until I saw him on Hailey Bieber’s instagram post.

“That’s the boy from the stoop!” I shared the picture with my friend. I followed him immediately. We had a connection in our short interaction, made evident on the night he ran into me at Miss Lily’s in 2017.

I was off the clock and WASTED. I’d won the specials contest (as usual, selling the most fish) and was rewarded with said meal, alongside copious amounts of liquor. Now this was a perk of being protected by Genc. I pretty much did whatever the hell I wanted. This didn’t sit well with his jealous brother, or the other people who were use to Genc being ruthless. He was known to fire people for lesser offenses than anything I’d done, which included sleeping on the clock, at work, after getting drunk on New Year’s, did I mention the restaurant was packed? Had no idea how I got home, still made it to work the following brunch. Honestly, Genc getting his information from other people, never communicating with me directly, made him a monster towards me. In his Albanian culture women are viewed as property, his brother felt I didn’t know my place. His brother who robbed him of the truth, tried to hook up with me and is now married with a kid. While Genc remains anguished.
Jordan was coming to see if he could throw his Chrome Hearts sunglasses launch party at the restaurant. I spotted him as my friends and I drunkenly ran up and down the street.

“Jordan!”
“You work here?” he replied. As if no time had passed, like we’d known each other forever. Grabbing him by the waist we take several photos, deciding this was the best one. Never letting go we walk inside. We hang out for hours. This infuriates the Jakupi brother’s, who are watching from the cameras, while receiving text updates from Kendall the manager. EVERYBODY who saw us asked if we knew each other, such was the strength of our bond. Jordan asked for my number in a roundabout way. Feeling indebted to Genc, who I thought was my twin, who fired countless people on my behalf, I directed him to Kendall. He promised to come back the next day, declining to go to The Box, because he had a shoot the next morning.

He never came. Thank god too, Genc’s brother waited for him all day. What his intentions were I’ll never know. When Jordan didn’t show, his brother took his anger out on me. This is how I ended up suing and winning. Once they realized the nature of Jordan’s visit, they tried to email me to make amends, but I was over it (Olatz Schnabel posted Jordan’s photo so they could find out who he was). I’d been paper trailing them from the year prior when a line cook, a short Mexican man with a Napoleonic complex, believing himself white (until I reminded him they were building a wall to keep him out), called me a nigga and threw a plate at my head. He missed. The staff was blamed. Underestimated, no one bothered to look into my background. Assuming based on my short skirts, that I was like the other girls, only relevant due to a job there. Not very educated. Not connected. Needing them for some semblance of the fame they sought as artists. Products of systemic racism. Bitch I been going to events. By the time they realized who I was it was too late. Genc started spreading lies about me from that day on, forcing me to make my social media public to tell the truth.

Jordan Barrett freed me, which came with a lot of hate. Like Genc, Jordan is a womanizer and all the women who fawned over him hated me. Kaia Gerber, who got his named tatted on her arm (which Cindy Crawford covered by saying it was for Michael Jordan, stop coddling your kids, that’s why they aren’t extraordinary like their legendary parents), Lila Moss cute, but that cherubic face is no sculpted Kate Moss, Caroline Vreeland, who covered the song Wicked Games (a song Jordan wrongfully attributes to me ), then removed it from her social media, Fanny something, Bella Hadid’s best friend, another victim who was enraged by his love for me, the list is endless. Women, who are really girls, preaching feminism, stalking me just to tear me down, over a boy who ain’t your boyfriend boo. No wonder he’s bored, you guys behaved like the women in the ads of the 50’s and 60’s, objects to be used and disposed of. What else did you expect then? Your mothers should have raised you better. To value yourself outside the male gaze, rather than support your embarrassing behavior, riddled with lack of: self-love, purpose, compassion, or intellect.

Supermodel 101: Kate Moss

It was the beauteous Kate Moss’s birthday last week. An icon, a feline legend. The only 5’7 bitch to do it big as a supermodel. She’s bounced back after a multitude of drug scandals, she’s dated the hottest guys, she’s partied like a rockstar, with rockstars because she is a rockstar. A modern day Anita Pallenberg in terms of that. Which is more major her cheekbones, or her legendary consumption, earning her the nickname “The Tank”? Can we also note that at this age she’s still got it…is it even fair? Via: Kate Moss Photos

Anita Pallenberg

Google pussy power and the face of this rock goddess will appear. When she died I literally couldn’t process that one of my ultimate idols had gone. She embodied everything I believe a badass woman should be: beautiful, highly intelligent (she spoke 4 languages), witty, revolutionary and stylish af. The Rolling Stones wouldn’t be nearly as cool without her. Keith and Brian didn’t start wearing those billowy blouses until this babe inspired them to.

Anita was a muse. She first came into the group as the girlfriend of founding member Brian Jones, only to leave him for Keith Richards (they share two kids) and according to Keith, fucked Mick Jagger while they co-starred in “Performance.” She also boned life long friend Marianne Faithfull, who at the time was dating Mick.

This woman taught me that the thing between my ears is better than gold and if you value yourself so will men, no matter how trifling. She overcame heroin addiction and went on to inspire the likes of Kate Moss, Nicole Richie and Anna Sui. She is fashion/rock royalty, who held her own amongst the bad boys, further instilling in me that well behaved women seldom make history.