Stupid Stoner Moments

Some of the dumbest things I’ve done due to being stoned out of my mind:

  1. Dirty Laundry- One time in the not too distant past, I was staying at an Airbnb and thank the lord, they had a laundry room. It was quaint, just a washer and dryer placed in a broom closet. Still I was grateful. The plan was to run errands while I did chores. Dropping my load, I came back to hot, fresh laundry. Under the impression that my clothes had washed then dried all in one. Wow, what a super advanced unit! Two full minutes later. It dawned on me that I’d placed my clothes covered in detergent in the dryer. Like a dummy. This wasn’t some super fancy new technology after all.
  2. Aaliyah Was A Man- Standing in the doorway my roommate equally, if not more high, Nicole went on a 45 minute tangent dragging me into the K hole she found herself in. “And see look at this picture. You see the man, you see the woman, look at the difference in their back structures. Now look at Aaliyah…she was born a man bro. She got Indian in her family, Indians believed in five genders…” She was so passionate, so convincing I ran to text my very sober friends. Presenting the evidence, I was shaken out of my smoke fogged brain. “This is dumb.” I was made aware how preposterous the whole thing was.
  3. Take A Stand- It’s so rude! You can do so much better than that and she’s fucked up for saying that, I’m sick of it. “Okay….calm down. He’s not that bad.” What? You deserve more. Don’t say that about yourself! You don’t have to settle for an old man. “What are you talking about?” Turns out for an entire year I thought my friend Lala’s coworkers were trying to hook her up with the seventy year old in the office, mixing his name up with that of the hot, young one who looked liked Usher. Suddenly everything we ever discussed about it made sense…well kind of.
    What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, because you were high af? Photo: Grass in Class

Happy Fo’Twenty

Brain Finke/Gallery Stock

Be it a lifestyle, or a special occasion happy 4/20 motherfuckers. Here is a cute list of things to enjoy while stoned.

  1. Eat a bowl of cereal it will never taste better, nothing will ever taste better. My favorite cereals to eat while stoned: AppleJacks, Honey Nut Cheerios, Coco Pebbles, Coco Puffs and Rice Crispie’s WITH sugar. #ThatMilkThoYum
  2. Have sex, you will be so focused and present, enjoying every sensation.
  3. A walk in the park, preferably during the day. Nature is so damn beautiful the color of flower petals, the ripples of the lake, the rustling leaves.
  4. Watch one of the following tv shows: The Office, Arrested Development, I Love New York, Flavor Of Love, Flavor Of Love Charm School, Portlandia, Adventure Time (didn’t understand these last two shows until I was high), Family Guy, Dave Chappelle Show… I mean it really doesn’t get better.
  5. Watch one of the following films: Kung Fu Hustle, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, City Of God (my favorite movie), The 40 Year Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, Scary Movie 1…Honestly being high heightens everything, you just notice more so you can fully appreciate it.
  6. Listen to music. You could be listening to the same song for the millionth time, when suddenly instruments and vocals you’ve never heard manifest. Two of my current stoner jams: Fall by Chloe X Halle and Age Of Aquarius, peep those harmonies.