I am free.
I recently sprouted wings and moved out of an apartment I was living in for two years. The energy was just negative and the vibe was tumultuous. But the most important thing about the apartment, is that my roommate worked for my former boss at another establishment, and was spying on me. I couldn’t fart, breathe or sleep without my every move being reported. When she left for L.A, I thought it was over, but she just moved her best friend in, so he could keep tabs.
I was being stifled. How can anyone call a place home when you are under someone’s eye constantly? It started to cause me psychological trauma. I couldn’t be myself, I couldn’t bring a man over and let him ravish me sans consequences.
Finally I am free. After an arduous first week of retrograde I started to feel alive again, in places I didn’t know I had died. I absconded an emotionally abusive situation. I’m going out again with friends, beautifying my body, I’m dating who I want, when I want, but most importantly I’ve fully fallen in love with myself. Like full on head over heels for me. I can’t go into the details here, but last Thursday at the Soho Grand I was reborn. I watched men I just met fight over me, I changed an entire person’s life, just so they could court me. I realized right then, no wonder he’s obsessed with me. I’m amazing. Of course brother’s would fight over me, of course married men still stalk me. Of course successful womanizers go mad. I am worth it, all the pain I suffered was worth it, for me to feel the way I feel about myself today. I wish this feeling on everyone. It’s the best one I’ve ever had.
My next step is to decipher why I attract emotionally toxic partners (he’s not my first) and dismantle that. What you don’t heal you pass on to your children (I’ll write a post about that later). So I’m asking you, how do you feel today? Do you think you’re worth it? Do you love yourself? Are you in love with yourself? Why or why not?
And to you, the man still tapping my phone. Thank you, I forgive you. I needed you to break my heart, my soul into pieces. You shattered me in ways I didn’t think humanly possible. No one can ever do that again, no one ever will. I’m no longer in love with you, haven’t been for a long time, but I love you for this gift you’ve given me, but also…fuck you.
Artist: Pepi Art