A Twenty Dollar Lesson

Blessed to have plummeted into drug addiction at a young age, instead of as an adult. Have you ever lost your mind? Been on the brink of death? Descended into madness? I have. Had it been later in life I’d have more to lose and wouldn’t be as wise, or street smart. For instance Kiki, this sloppy girl with an enormous, gelatinous ass had no idea what she was doing. Older than me, she’d never seen cocaine until she was an adult, believing herself a badass for doing it.
Kiki wasn’t cute, her dreads smelled nice, but were raggedy and thanks to Genc Jakupi she was obsessed with me. Despite having spread her legs the one time, before I arrived, he loved me not her. FYI this girl stole from the tip pool, was a hater to the actual pretty girls and was not well liked, or kind.

Both standing at 5’9 (she made someone measure us back to back) she constantly compared herself to me, once remarking that my torso was longer than hers, wishing for my body proportions. True. I was also a fraction of her size, better dressed, bigger boobs and better looking. She loathed that I was stick skinny with a big ass, she also commented on my upbringing and diction an uncomfortable amount. Still it was us against them, we spotted each other when stealing drinks, lied to management, and eventually partied together. Kiki hated me, admired me, respected me…it was a complicated relationship. When I left she was one of 8 people to follow, you didn’t have to love, or like me, but even the people jealous of me respected me. I ran that place properly is why.
One day Kiki and I split a gram. I watched her tables while she went outside to meet the dealer. Afterward we bee-lined to my model agent friends house in Williamsburg, then Freehold, doing key bumps in the photo booth. Here’s where she made a critical mistake:
The night ended and she told me to save the coke…

Amateur hour. She had an outline of my narcotics history mind you.
As soon as she let me leave without taking her share, I knew she was new to this, not true to this.
The next day, Saturday, my day off, she messaged me to meet her at Miss Lily’s “with the goodies.”
I didn’t respond. Devoured the bag is an understatement. By the time I received her message I was on a bender with my roommate. Not only did Dani help me finish that bag, we polished off one she had, and were on our way to my model agent friends apartment for more. P.s that night was MAJOR.

Sunday, our next shift together, I handed her $20 bucks.
“What’s this for?”
I simply replied “It’s gone. It’s all gone.” Then she understood.
I didn’t apologize, nor did she expect me to. Kiki knew it was her fault. Never, ever, leave your share, especially with a connoisseur. You either take your half, or get your money asap. Period ma.
Now I’m free of addiction, as well as recreational use. Talking about bring the goodies, that sh*t was gone with the wind. I have zero regrets. If you’re still struggling I believe in you, it may take time, but you’ll make it through. Artist: Thom Minnick Art

Jack James, Me, The Beatles And The Stones

Before I go into why the Woods are my favorite Stones family (in tomorrow’s article), restoring my faith in the band, I must tell this one. After winning my lawsuit against Miss Lily’s I got a part-time gig at a pizza place in Park Slope, Amorina. I was the phone slash delivery girl, organizing all the take-out and pick up orders. The staff like the restaurant was small, and run by an insane woman named Ellen. Italian, hot tempered, miserable (cuckquean) and out of her mind. This bitch woman literally held my last check of $500 hostage after I quit. Mind you, I left due to an underserving tirade, which she was known to do. Her own daughter commented her mom was off. She’d just snap out of nowhere, then act like everything was normal. As she’s refusing to give me my money, I’m making plans to attend my missing friend Robbie’s memorial. When I started the job he disappeared, causing me to leave in tears one shift. She’d been with me through this traumatic ordeal and didn’t give af. I had to pull up to her restaurant TWICE to get my money. Unhinged. At least she apologized to the staff after I read her ass for being bogus af.

This is where I met Jack James, a beautiful, tall, chiseled musician/model hailing from Texas. He loves Elvira, made me laugh until I cried, and like myself is a classic rock whore. We were kool and the gang until we started reppin our sets. A rivalry older than Bloods VS. Crips-The Beatles or The Stones, which is the better band? He barely let me speak, making his opinion fact before storming off. An attack akin to stepping on someone’s motherfucking kicks. Indignant was an understatement! Affronted I harbored this resentment until I got him back for his Harry Styles boa dig (a slight tiff that turned into a WMag social media post, with designer Marc Jacobs inserting himself). I never said I was above it, I’m petty. Being a Stones fan is a lifestyle. In my eyes he came for my entire existence! The Rolling Stones influenced me more than anyone, ever. Without them I’d literally be dead. Their music was the only thing that kept me alive my first year at Emerson College. Deep in the throes of addiction, nothing but cocaine, coffee, and cigarettes as sustenance, I lived on the verge of two worlds. I became skeletal in frame, going from a Double D to a D (boob weight never regained); my friends remarked I was on a different drug every time they saw me. My friends told me verbatim I was going to die. It was that bad, I just kept cutting straws, snorting lines and doing me. While the Stones had always been my everything, it was that year I needed them most. Just one more song to keep me going. My ringtone was Cocksucker Blues (the tour rehearsal version), that’s how dependent I was on the music.

Don’t get me wrong I fucking love The Beatles, LOVE. Had Jack let me expound my answer would have been this: you can’t have one without the other, it’s symbiotic. One’s rooted in pop, the other in blues, yet they’re both rock bands. The Beatles who invented albums and music videos (easily the most musically innovative band of all time) sing about what they wish the world to be, The Stones sing about it’s actualities (both groups have range, this is the same generalization of you can bring the Beatles home to your parents, not the Stones). For those using sales as a determinate, name one Stones song you can play for children? I was singing Yesterday in elementary school. The Stones have more soul, I can dance to their music, it’s hood relatable for the ignorant who think rock is white people music (black people created rock n roll), they’ve always credited black people, they created the template for the musicians lifestyle (sex, drugs, rock n roll), they created the “bad boy,” they broke gender, fashion, and race barriers/norms, challenging the status quo at every turn, changing the cultural landscape. The Stones dressed in drag when it was illegal, influencing everyone from the Chili Peppers to Nirvana to do so. I’m a revolutionary, because The Rolling Stones made me one. But, but, they need The Beatles, it’s the Yin to their Yang. You can’t have one without the other, nor do we want to. It’s the perfect musical balance.

Cut to now and gorgeous Jack is literally in a band with Sean Lennon’s wife Charlotte Kemp Muhl, and I dated Mick Jagger. You can’t make this shit up. You truly, genuinely can’t. So next time Naomi Campbell decides to lie for two white men appropriating our Caribbean culture for profit (Genc and Binn Jakupi), before Georgia May Jagger, her equally idiotic siblings and affiliates make assumptions (based on race), do make sure it’s someone who isn’t well connected. Should I continue on how many people grew up with me, displaying you’re liars and racists or…? Who did Melanie Hamrick know before raping Mick & murdering L’Wren Scott? Exactly. Jack, Daddy, are we the guardians of rock n roll? FYI he also loves the Rolling Stones, don’t come for him. Via: Jack James Busa Insta, Uni_Loonies & Riley And John

My Crystal Vanished Into Thin Air

Opening my palm I let Simi, the first person to tell me I was a witch forreal, forreal, slip a stone into my hand. It’s small, smooth, and unexpected.
“What is this?”
“Obsidian to protect you,” she replied simply, before walking through the curtains obscuring us to greet her table. We’d just begun our shift, primping to peacock. No one wanted to be the duff, the ugly duckling. Trust when you were, the guests, management, and coworkers alike treated you as such. Part of teamwork was being beautiful, for better tips, for the aesthetic we promised, for the vibe. No one saw our sacred interaction at the back of Miss Lily’s, an ode to music, the tables are shaped and designed like vinyl records, reggae album covers are used for wallpaper. Reflecting back, I’m certain we’d done this in a past life, in a different time, in a different place.
Had I not experienced the power of crystals with Psychic Shanna I’d brush it off as silly, but the crystals she’d given me to wear on my person, were a factor in her ruining my life. “Wear this and I’ll always be connected to you.” Dutifully, I store it daily in my bra.

Simi gave me the obsidian after I’d gotten into an inevitable altercation with a Mexican line cook, who had a crippling Napoleon complex. Elias felt he should be above me, not only in stature but at life in general: I made more money than him, I was a woman and I was black. This however is America, as soon as a person starts speaking Spanish, they’re deemed Mexican, and speaking the language of the help. America is black and white.
Look at the movie Clueless when Cher (played by Alicia Silverstone) offends her maid seeing no difference between Mexico and El Salvador, Arrested Development, matriarch Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walters) more than anyone makes cracks at this countries views on Hispanics, or 30 Rock, Selma Hayek and Alec Baldwin’s relationship peppered intentionally and intelligently with stereotypes. It’s everywhere, openly too under Trump’s “Build A Wall” ideals. Hispanic’s allow it, like with Hilaria Baldwin, keeping them immobile in a socially constructed racial hierarchy. Black people see something, say something, that’s why we’re out of chains and in The White House.

Elias got a reality check after calling me a nigger, only to be fired by a nigger, because of a nigger (but that’s a story for another time, because it’s WILD, WILD). That’s when everyone realized despite my Upper East Side diction, aka white sounding voice, I’m out of my mind and about that life. Ironically it’s said upbringing that makes me entitled, the sun shines out of my ass and the white people knew black people were cooler. Do you know how many times at my friends StuyTown apartment, which was akin to Rachel and Monica’s as a hang spot, all the black people would wander off when certain groups got too white? It started with one or two going off, then one by one the other blacks trickle into Derek’s room in search of each other. After awhile someone, usually Laine, would enter with a hey guys let’s hang out together speech; we’d converge in the living room, becoming one big United Colors of Benetton ad. It wasn’t intentional, it was just the vibe.

Through all the drama I kept the obsidian for two years, in the same pocket of my purse, alongside three others. Day in and day out, the same place. I’m not someone who loses things due to habitual placement and my OCD. Two years it stayed put, until one day it just disappeared. I kid you not! Out of four crystals in that inner purse pocket it was the only one. When I left my house they were all there, saw them with my own eyes, the pockets were such that nothing could fall out due to depth. Had that been the case the others would have followed suit. Ten minutes later, the walk from my apartment to the train station, this lone crystal vanished. Vanished into thin air. Couldn’t believe it. My mind boggled. My flesh goosed. I Googled it asap. Turns out when you don’t need a crystal anymore, when your vibrations aren’t aligned, it’s common for them to disappear. As if I couldn’t be more perplexed this was an ordinary occurrence, experienced by tons of people. Apparently they appear somewhere else, for someone else, or enter a different dimension all together. I will forever wonder where my obsidian went, who it serves now. Via: Solace Crystals

Genc Jakupi, Naomi Campbell & Jordan Barrett (1/2)

Negative one hundred and seventy two dollars was the approximate “amount” in my bank account. A haunted apartment in West Harlem led me to a psychic gypsy in the East Village. Biblical warnings kept me away from those types, deemed demonic and unsavory, but I was desperate and scared. Ignoring the paranormal events taking place wasn’t working anymore. Hoping she’d shed some light on wtf I was, I went, my last resort. Psychic Shanna didn’t have a doorknob, you could see straight into her home. She feared no one for a reason. I didn’t know that then, but boy was I about to learn. Once I rendered her services no longer necessary, she placed an evil eye on me. I went from having my own apartment, a well paying job and an internship with artist Maxi Cohen, on the brink of becoming a full time gig, to couch surfing, losing everything down to my cat. The epitome of living on a prayer.

Getting a job became impossible. Thanks to her evil eye only scams came in, one I fell for which is how I ended up owing the bank. I needed money ASAP Rocky and escorting was not an option, I mean it was, but I’m not that type of girl. Serving was my only hope, a path I avoided for two reasons 1) the money was fast, consistent and addictive, I didn’t want to get comfortable 2) there are no margins of error, a simple mistake and someone could DIE; do you realize the weight of waiters? Hello allergies. Also between school and interning, back of house experience was all I had time for before. How hard could the transition be with Danny Meyer on my resume though?
Try super hard and not in the fun way. Without two years NYC serving experience I was met with constant rejection. Miss Lily’s, a tony Caribbean restaurant in Soho, was the only place that took a chance on me. Being hot was their main criteria, they’d teach me everything else.

By the skin of my teeth is how I finished training, there was so much turmoil occurring in my life I wasn’t focused (plus I called out to attend Kylie Jenner’s Galore Magazine party, priorities). Before my final training, the general manager, Krystyna, informed me this was my last shot. Out of my trainers six tables, I was given three to take as my own. Everything was riding on this. Truth be told no one believed I’d make it, just another pretty face on her way to getting cut. Couldn’t open a bottle of wine to save my life at the time, but Jaquana brought in the most tip money that night, by a landslide. We stood in a circle filling out the tip sheet, each of us announcing our earnings. I went last, when I spoke there was silence. Surpassing my trainer by nearly $200 on a slow night might I add, he stared daggers at me. Everyone was astounded. Turns out I had a knack for selling without selling, my specialty was getting people drunk. My liquor sales were unparalleled, I went from working dead nights like Sunday’s and Monday’s, to money nights Thursday, Friday, Saturday. A HUGE deal at Miss Lily’s, there was definitely a hierarchy and favoritism. Money nights weren’t given to just anybody, which left a lot of senior staff who campaigned for years to work those shifts fuming. Emptying pockets was my thing, bringing in the most tip became my niche everywhere I went.

Miss Lily’s was the Studio 54 of restaurants. Answers to questions I ruminated on for ages were answered there. Would Mick Jagger be into me? Would Anna Wintour disapprove of my attire, or person in general? Our regulars were celebrities, supermodel Chanel Iman always sat in my section. Musician Vic Mensa got so use to my service he’d try to pay me even if he ordered from someone else. Like the time he ordered take out from the bar. Mensa searched for then spotted me, sliding his credit card into my hand wordlessly. Confused.
“Why are you giving me this?”
“Ahhh, because you always do it…” he responded equally puzzled.
“Well who did you order with?” He points to the bartender. I instruct him to give her the card. Mensa walks over, looking back at me every other step, like a child being dropped off to pre-school for the first time. I nod giving him reassurance throughout the whole transaction, you’ve got this kid, I believe in you. And it is me he thanks on his way out.

Countless famous patrons poured in, nearly everyday and when Chef Andre won Chopped twice it got bigger. FKA Twigs planned a beautiful birthday for Robert Pattinson, I was their server. Getting hit on also wasn’t unusual for me. I became desensitized, this was the norm. The only time I broke down was when Fabolous came in, he was so swagged out. Nessa, my work wife had to take my table while I cried in the vestibule. Really, out of everyone Fab? My peers ridiculed. For the rest of the night I just looked at him from different areas of the restaurant. Fan girl-ing was a big NO NO, which is why my interactions with Solange, Kelly Rowland and Naomi Campbell were beyond awkward, especially Solange. Mortified was an understatement.

The first time I met Genc Jakupi I had no idea who he was. Wiping down tables in the front I smelled the most alluring scent, searching for the source I found him checking me out on his way upstairs. I thought he was just a neighbor, but the owners lived above the restaurant. Mistakenly I believed this lovely elderly couple, my first friends were the owners, Feride & Agron. They were actually his parents. I found out who he was the night of a blood moon eclipse. There we were patrons and employees alike craning our necks for this most celestial event, when a voice behind us ask “Is anybody working?” The look of fear in my co-workers eyes, pure terror as they scrambled to get back inside. Genc, who had presented himself as nothing short of polite in our small interactions notices I notice. “Relax, relax it was a joke. I was joking,” he adds. Taking one for the team I allow Nessa and Mo to stay outside while I manned the place. Genc didn’t scare me, he made me nervous, but I felt safe with him.

“You’re going to get fired,” Nessa pleaded with me to serve Genc’s table, but I refused! Yes he was in my section, but he was also pretending one of the aerialist from The Box was his girlfriend. He’d been in there with a different woman every time I’d seen him and this one was being super rude to me. He was trying to make me jealous, but all it did was anger me. Nessa, who had the entirety of the front had to come to service his table. He watched irately as I delighted tables with laughter and stellar service. If he fired me he’d never see me again, so he didn’t. Genc’s love for me gave me power (I thought he was my twin flame, he wasn’t). My bosses would be chewing me out, as SOON as he entered they did a 180. It became that he didn’t even need to be there, no one was allowed to disrespect me. Ever. Infuriating his brother, who was left in charge of watching me when Genc moved indefinitely to Europe. His brother watched me like a hawk day and night, night and day. He had it out for me since NYE, when I got wasted on the clock and went to sleep in the front of the packed restaurant. I should have been fired, I didn’t even get a write up. However I was punished. Chiwetel Ejiofor from 12 Years A Slave was one of my tables. They were heading to Future’s concert after party and I was invited. Didn’t get to go for obvious reasons.

Genc moved to Europe indefinitely pretty early in my employment at Miss Lily’s. We never had a conversation, a date, sex, anything, he was use to women throwing themselves at him. I wasn’t that type of woman. Psychic Shanna told me the man I marry takes initiative and ask me out. I keep meeting boys with different faces and this would be how I know I found a man. Genc wasn’t a man. All he did was stalk me and run off potential suitors. His brother ended up falling for me when I blacked out one night. That’s when everything took a turn. Via: Buzzfeed


Unfinished Business Regarding Souls

Until a continuous series of events, especially heightened during my twenty fifth year, reincarnation wasn’t something I had faith in. Watching an episode of The Nate Berkus Show featuring a past life regressionist educated me. All my life I’ve had a series of memories as a showgirl, a dancer who performed in front of massive audiences. I knew they weren’t dreams, scenes were far too detailed and interconnected. Repetitive. Walking through the backstage dressing room, being announced at my first show, the outfits, my apartment, overdosing on my birthday donning a red evening gown paired with matching elbow length gloves. Fade to black.

Berkus was told in a former life he was an aboriginal Australian. Elements of past lives always bleed into this one the regressionist stated. Berkus confirms this announcing he loves Australia and plays the didgiredoo (their indigenous instrument). Eureka! A plethora of red dress I’d purchased for significant occasions litter my wardrobe! Becoming my staple color at Miss Lily’s; on busy weekends the servers were expected to up the ante outfit wise to empty pockets. I always sizzled in a red number of some sort. Additionally people also always, always, always ask me if I’m a dancer, due to my build.

Digging deeper into reincarnation I learned that we are souls having a human experience, a lot of people we come across are one’s we’ve met in prior lives. Depending on the soul contract (the terms of your relationship, the reason you’re in each other’s life) there could be unfinished business. For it to be rectified you must do what was not done. For example if you were lovers who couldn’t be together in a previous life you’ve come back for your happily ever after. Sometimes it’s the opposite and you’re to move on. Based on the nature of our relationship, along with other variables, I’ve determined my old boss went to war and I waited for him to return. He never did, but I wait all the same. I found myself doing that in this life as well, to complete the contract I had to move on.

The point of it all being if you feel stuck in a life pattern that won’t yield, no matter how hard you try, look to the soul. Something is repeating and looping for you to repair it by doing what you could not in a past life. Soul contracts will drive you crazy until you complete them. Is there a relationship that seems stuck? Are there areas in your life that are blocked no matter what you do? Figure out- for me through my abilities and the clarity of meditation- what your soul is trying to tell you, then apply it. Only then can you elevate and open up to abundance. Photo: Hello Dongwon