“That’s how you get attention.” When she asked to do a lap around the bar of the Soho Grand her motive was unclear. This is something I would never condone; attention seeking is tactless, desperate and shows a lack of self-love. Did she really need the piercing eyes of strangers to feel worthy? How sad. Additionally I don’t have that problem. I am constantly trying to get rid of people, akin to Larry David portraying Larry David on ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm.’ People can be tiresome, especially when they value the vacuous. Example A.
Ever since I encouraged her to take the Buzzfeed ‘How Privileged Are You Quiz’ our friendship blew to bits. Our results varied drastically, while I got very privileged Susan got not privileged at all.
Susan: You’ve been the only black person in the room before?
Me: Yeah plenty of times.
Me: I mean but I did grow up on the Upper East Side so…there were like three black families and I’m not even sure one counts, because he was adopted by a white family…
I ramble trying to make her feel better about growing up in a low income neighborhood. Why she cared so much was beyond me, but she retakes the test until she gets a better result.
Susan: Oh yeah…I’ve been the only black person in the room too.
The whole point of the test was an exercise in gratitude. But her ego coupled with insecurity morphed it something nasty. I told her she should be proud of all the things she’s surmounted, instead she gained an inferiority complex revealing a competitive, envious streak in her. In hindsight it was a side of her that was always there. Just to get one up on me she would damage circumstances that were mutually beneficial for us both. Unfortunately our society breeds this dog eat dog, if you’re not first you’re last, number one or bust mentality. When the reality is there’s enough abundance to go around for everyone. We can all win, someone’s success doesn’t equate to your failure. We can both be great no matter where it all started.
How do you see the world? Are you someone who builds other’s up or knocks them down?