All articles filed in Shiva

This photo is from the first day of ninth grade, we didn’t attend the same school, but he wanted me to see his outfit. The lip rings, the pyramid belt, the skinny jeans, all in black. We were at a pizza place that use to be on 87th or 88th and third avenue. He’s looking at me, we’re sitting across from each other. When I moved my leg, under the impression I was invading his space, Lewis put his knee back on mine, along with his foot.

The first time we made eye contact was in 6th grade, we were 11. I was coming up the mud gray staircase with blood red railing, he was at the front of the line for Ms. Arlia’s class. A no nonsense science teacher letting students know she won’t tolerate any misconduct. Our eyes locked, like we were in a trance. I stopped heading to class and he stopped paying attention.
“Hello, are you listening?” She waved her hand in front of his face. He nodded slowly before entering the classroom. Wow, that was weird I thought, me and that boy just starred at each other. I don’t even know him.

Lewis use to wear his hair in low ponytails. I saw him waiting outside a classroom next to mine in the hallway and felt comfortable enough to start playing with his hair. He turned around and I waved. He leaned his head back so I could continue. His hair is so soft, I thought, too bad he’s gay. We were telepathic and this was our first fight. He turned around and looked at me, eyes wide, before moving away, angry at me for such an assumption. I wondered if I said it out loud, that’s how crazy it was.

He knew what we were long before I did. Lewis was also convinced I had a crush on his brother Nathan in sixth grade, the most popular boy in school. I did not! “It’s okay you can tell me,” he confronted me twelve hours into asking me to be his girlfriend in tenth grade, after taking my virginity.
“I am telling you, I didn’t!” Yes I always waved at him, because I looked up to him. Again he was the coolest kid in school.
“So you don’t have a thing for like, Dvorkin boys?”
”No, I don’t know anything about Nathan and I know everything about you.”
”So who did you like?” He wouldn’t let it go. When I asked him who he liked in sixth grade he gave vague random answers. Settling on no one in particular.
“Oh my GOD, it was me, you totally have a crush on me didn’t you?” He confessed he did, but I never paid attention to him.
“Well I liked you too, I was so upset you were gay. Which says a lot since I’m pretty sure Malcolm is and I wanted to be friends with him.”
”Yeah, that’s why I stopped wearing those ponytails.”

A strategic, ruthless Upper East Sider, Lewis entered 7th grade with a plan. Gone were the days of low pony’s. He entered that gym day 1, looked me in the eye and raised his eyebrow before sitting down on the opposite side of the room. He then proceeded to ruin my friendship with a girl I’d known since elementary school. Lewis paid attention to who I waved at, like his brother. Upon seeing me wave at this girl daily, he decided to make her his girlfriend. She knew he didn’t love her and eventually stopped interacting with me all together. Meanwhile, she should’ve taken it out on him. Knowing he didn’t have a lot to time left, he needed to get experience to keep me happy in a relationship. Telling me in 7th grade via aim, he didn’t see himself living past 16. I vowed to make sure he did, turns out he didn’t make it protecting me. I was suppose to die, Lewis sacrificed himself instead. He let me know the first night we had sex, I cried and told him I can’t be here without him. We made a promise, if you go I go, you can’t leave me here by myself.

His first girlfriend wasn’t ready for sex, so he told her he loved her, making her comfortable to put out. At first he felt bad (as did I), he admitted after taking my virginity. A feeling that changed after she tried to seduce him during our relationship. Had my memory not been glamoured, I’d have never let her speak at his funeral (read Mick Jagger Altered My Reality). I mean he couldn’t stand her and felt she was lucky to have experienced him. Lewis called her a gold digger, that’s why she tolerated his disrespect of openly pining for me. “I mean come on, she knew what it was. She see’s the address, I live on Park avenue, she see’s my family’s money. Her dad’s a fucking mechanic in the Bronx, my dad’s an attorney. Let’s be real, who else was I going to get experience from? She has never had a hold over me, we barely had sex. I’m not some dumb kid, I tolerated her. She’s the only one that listened to metal.”

Lewis wanted to know why I wasn’t angry, because I felt guilty. “I did it all for you, she knew how I felt about you. She thought if she stuck around long enough she’d inherit my shit. My dad’s a fucking millionaire. Who else is gonna give her an opportunity like this?” He said a bunch of other things, that are too mean to publicly post (he referenced her mother who I’m pretty sure passed away if I recall correctly). At the end of the day I had 7 orgasms my first time, so…I can’t complain.
He didn’t want us to split up like his parent and kept saying he hopes I don’t get bored with him, since he was transferring to me school, and wanted to spend most of his time just us two, and his family. Showing how incredibly unhinged he is, Lewis was nothing but DRAMA from the beginning. The shit him and his brother would do was SO outlandish, everyone else got in trouble with them.

Lewis Dvorkin aka Jesus/Shiva/Horus/King Solomon is worth ending this civilization for. I put nothing and no one before him. He died for me to save you and humanity has been entitled, ungrateful, disrespectful, full of hubris. You would let me starve, placing money before human lives. You failed your test. They Grey’s earned Gaia, so it shall be. Mick Jagger made my baby leave me, I will have no mercy and derive great pleasure in destroying everything you hold dear. When a black woman, a Goddess speaks, you fucking listen. Let’s see your false god, now rendered powerless, save you now. Xoxo Kali & Shiva. Via: Jaquana Cornelius