Make Courage A Habit

At some point growing up I was super shy, which grew into social anxiety the older I got. I never wanted to impose on anyone (also due to low self-worth because of trauma) no matter how small the ask. Epigenetic’s as a black woman played a large role in my not wanting to burden others. As I healed, reflected, introspected I started shedding that need to be small, being more courageous, putting myself out there. Who was going to do it if not me?

Succeeding in this world is not for the meek love. The difference between you getting something you desire and the next person could be you were too spineless to ask, or try. When you attempt/ask there’s a 50 percent chance of succeeding/getting. When you do nothing/remain silent there’s a 100 percent chance of failure/no. You lose more. Do yourself a favor, try one courageous act this week see how it fares (ask that person out, ask for a raise, create a business opportunity, pitch that creative idea…). Get into the habit of doing so every week after, making it a habit you’re use to and not a big event. Artist: Analog By Nat

Generational Karma And Curses

How many times have I almost hit my head and died?
-On my grandmother’s death anniversary, almost cracking my head against the rocks at the beach.
-When I took a Seroquel bar from a stranger. She was right advising me to break it into eight pieces “…this stuff can kill you.” I took an eighth, slept walked (which I’ve never done before or since), turned the stove on, placed an empty pot next to it, and on my way back to my bedroom passed out in my stepdad’s room. My head just missing the edge of his wooden bed frame. Since I fell from standing my skull would’ve cracked. I woke up encircled by faces looking down at me, everyone thought I died.
-In gym when Sebastian C. (who looks exactly like Will Smith, but in that moment pulled a Michael Jordan) competitive af in Strasser Ball (which was really European handball, but our hot gym teacher gave it his name), slammed me into the ground from standing. Literally I saw stars, cartoon depictions of head injuries are completely accurate. The nurse wanted his blood, she cursed him the fuck out. In his defense we were all competitive, sore winners and losers.
-When I was wasted and just missed slamming my head on a large paint bucket from standing.
-At Blue Smoke, in the attic I slammed my head on the thick metal piping and had to be escorted down after taking a minute to gather my bearings.

”Something is trying to kill me,” I said to myself and others.

My grandfather was a very evil and feared man, he wasn’t someone to fuck with. I barely knew him, only meeting him twice in my life that I can remember, if that. He was a domestic abuser, beating his women including my beloved grandmother whose right earlobe he split (for years I always lost my right earring and only a few back did I connect the dots. It’s her telling me she’s here). My grandmother who half my tattoos are dedicated to, with a third coming, was his second wife. His first wife was Linda.

My grandfather would abuse her often; she made a deal with the neighbors if she bangs on the wall call the cops. Except every time the cops came she’d cover for him, then he’d threatened them. One night Linda banged and banged and banged, but they didn’t make the call and she died. He pushed her so hard into the glass table her skull cracked. Fearing jail he left immediately seeking out the help of Voodoo Mary, selling his soul in exchange of escaping prison. When he returned, when the ambulance came, they ruled it an accident, that she tripped and fell. He got away with it in this world, but not the next.

People with high sexual energy are often healers, which is why after telling this story a million times, replaying it in my head, it didn’t make sense until I told Cara Delevingne. Everything clicked.

The domestic violence I’ve been going through, nobody helping (one person helped me astrally when I didn’t know I needed it, nor did I ask, I’m forever grateful), almost dying, I was paying for what my grandfather did to Linda!!!! That’s why I was always experiencing near death head injuries, just like Linda. Had I not figured it out I wouldn’t have escaped, finding myself in another bad situation, because generational karma and curses are real. That’s why the cards kept saying turn to your ancestors! The story of my grandfather was the key! Now I’m free.
Ancestry is important, what we do we pass down until it’s broken, or healed. Had I not resolved this it would’ve kept happening, it would’ve passed down to my kids epigenetically. Which this world can’t afford, each possessing the powers to save it. I can’t believe it took me this long.

After figuring it out I connected to her, she wants her story told. She wants people to know what happened to her, that it wasn’t fair. The first page of my book will be Linda’s story. I am so sorry, I’m sorry for what he did to you. You deserved better, women deserve better. He doesn’t get to take your peace in both worlds. Thank you. You are a hero, because of you a lot of abusive men are going to be exposed so they don’t hurt anyone again. I don’t know you, but I love you. Everyone will know your truth. I will dedicate my life to fighting domestic violence, I promise you this. And as for those reading it now, if there is a reoccurring negativity in your life look for the pattern then look to your ancestors. You may be reliving their karmic debt. Resolve it for yourself, for your offspring. Artist: Melanins Vibe Podcast

Trauma Changes You Biologically

Epigenetically unhealed trauma passes down through generations. Abuse is not a joke, especially when people intentionally inflict it like Mick Jagger, Genc Jakupi and Binn Jakupi. I could add a lot of people who aided in abusing me to this list, like the Kardashian Jenner West coven and friends, exposing all of you publicly is all I need to contribute. What the universe has planned is huge, all I have to do is sit back and watch. The way you all fall with them, the deaths, the misfortune, it’s crazy. No survivors, the power is going back to the public, everyone is going to learn their humbled place before hell.

Until I started having my crippling episodes I didn’t fully comprehend the lack of control I’d have, it’s scary. I become a different person, trying to stop spiraling, trying to survive, looking for safety. This is why I’ve decided to press charges against Mick, the fact that he thinks it’s okay to torture other human beings and call it love. To groom people to his abuse, he belongs behind bars. It’s not fair I’ve been inflicted with a disorder, I intend to hold everyone accountable and be compensated. I ignored the red flags due to a toxic upbringing, which is why speaking up for me is hard sometimes. I don’t want to hurt other people. I worked hard to heal from family trauma and now I have to heal from this. I’m optimistic and if you’re going through trauma you should be too. We’re all going to get through this, to the best of our ability. It’s not your fault, believe in yourself and keep pushing forward. You deserve a happy ending. In what ways does your trauma affect you? How you see the world? How you interact with others? Your love life? Your parenting? Via: Alex March Energy

Healers Aren’t Doormats

Straight like that.

Like I’m here to help, but I’m not the one. I didn’t want people to be afraid of me, but I’m over that now. Beltane has left me tired and powerful. Energy uploads can be exhausting. Must have been those good old epigenetic codes of being a woman and black I shed. Hello, hi, I’ve arrived, bring it on. I’m detached from the full compassion that makes me give endless chances. Want a deal you come to me, your life depends on it not mine, so if I offer you one, take it. Also, I’m no longer repeating myself, if I told you once, I told ya twice, wanna play? Try your luck if you’re foolish. I already did all the work. Fate is fate and I’m happy af. Everything coming to me I deserve. Blessings be for daddy.
Seriously though, healers can help or do the opposite. Never take someone’s kindness for weakness, for they are kind, because they know they can destroy you. Via: Empath Essentials

De-Conditioning: Don’t Invalidate Feelings

First and foremost let me make clear, it is not my job to teach you about racism. It’s an institution that affects everyone (whether it benefits or oppresses), you have access to resources like the internet and libraries. Watch a documentary, read a book. Don’t be self-absorbed, walk a day in someone else’s shoes. However, I understand the need to learn, to understand and want to help those who are at a complete loss. This series is called De-Conditioning, based on my theory that everyone is conditioned until they aren’t. We pass down the traits to our offspring that have helped us survive, depending on who you are it could mean you are programmed to entitlement, or to stay safe by being subservient. The importance of ancestry. These traits are passed down through epigenetic’s, the expression of gene’s without changing the structure of one’s DNA. Fortunately for us these expressions can be modified.

Society dictates that white people are the default human, everything else is other and “white culture” is normative. Band-aids and ballet shoes are made the color of caucasian skin tones then labeled “normal.” What does that make everyone else? If you’re white these are things you don’t think about, but if you aren’t all you notice are all the ways your existence has been erased, or made secondary. When the world caters to your needs (which was granted through violent and immoral tactics) it’s easy to drown out everybody else, even if it’s unintentional.

In February I was furious when actor turned influencer Ed Westwick, his girlfriend and a “producer” victimized themselves after trolling me. His girlfriend decided to copy me, from recreating the same photos, to taking work from this very website. I called them out giving them ample time to apologize. She cried (Karen behavior) and he babied her. Both felt it was okay, because I’m a black woman the “lesser” gender and race. My feelings didn’t matter. To top it off, other white women (and a black actress) felt it was my job to let it go, to move on, to eat shit. They could have taken the same time to hold all parties accountable, but I was the one who had to fix it, even though they created the situation. This is a typical and unacceptable response. A person of color expresses how they feel, only to have their feelings invalidated. When people do this it perpetuates this false truth that we are secondary, our feelings having to get your approval to be real, because until the white person agrees your voice doesn’t matter.

Stop invalidating the feelings of colored people. If a p.o.c tells you they felt someone was behaving in a manner that made them feel uncomfortable, listen. This person knows what they are talking about, for you it’s a complaint, for us it’s a survival mechanism that’s been fine tuned and passed down. We know when someone is racist, because it’s a matter of life or death for us. Stop shaming the victim, accusing them of playing the race card. It’s not a card, it’s their reality.

Have you ever had your feelings invalidated? How did that make you feel?

Keep that feeling.

Have you ever invalidated someone else’s feelings?

Go back to when you felt unheard, now you know how it feels when you do the same to a colored person.

The fact that this even has to be a conversation is evidence that you see people as other. See people as the collection of their experiences, not their skin tone, but as human because that’s what we are.

Via: Images You Won’t See On TV

Repeat After Me: Women…

But do you know what she means? A lot of CIS gendered males, have epigenetic conditioning that needs to be rewired. Repeat after me: Women are not objects, women are not property, women are however people, women are not second class citizens, women are not weak (our strength is unparalleled), women deserve to be treated like the goddesses we are, women deserve equal pay, women can be bosses, women can be sexually liberated, women can be prude, women can be whatever the hell we want, women deserve to cum, women deserve a man, not a boy. Women are the closest thing to god there is, god being a creator. Have you been subject to toxic male egos? Are you perpetuating intentionally, or unintentionally toxic male behavior? Photo: Trailer Trash BBY