Change is scary, people are willing to stick with toxicity to avoid it. Why? Because you’ve survived this long navigating the world you know, the people in it, routine feels like security. Another reason people turn away from healing, preferring the comfort of their void, believing it the only way to exist. But when you start making difficult necessary changes peace will be found and not that erratic come and go kind. All the people, places and things I’ve left behind were well worth it. I no longer feel uneasy leaving a room so vapid people can gossip and when the next friend leaves tries to get me to ill talk them. I don’t have to dumb myself down, because they refuse to grow, I don’t question my worth based on adults acting like teenagers and I don’t have to blur my boundaries to make room for their inimical, toxic behavior. Most of all that empty feeling, a deep well of dejection as I wallowed in low vibrational energy is gone. Are you still searching for serenity, but too afraid to leap into the unknown? How much more desolation will you endure before you put yourself first? What do you need to leave behind? Via: Sarcastic Chickss
I don’t want to forget;
I want to be okay with
The things that happened to you only define you if you allow them to. Self-love means accepting not forgetting, repressing or omitting. Being okay with the memories that haunt you. Easier said than done, harder than anything you’ll ever do, like most inner work, but the reward is worth it. It outlast and exceeds the pain, plus you get to see how strong you are. That you can achieve anything, because you went to war with yourself, for yourself. Where are you on your journey of self-healing? Have you started? Are you going to? Via: Girl Gaze
Make sure the apologies you receive from those who’ve done you dirty are sincere. This is why I do my three strike’s or less rule, it makes my life so much easier. Numerous people have been cut because they kept saying sorry after being violent, duplicitous, fake and out for self, no matter who they toppled on the way. My kindness was mistaken for weakness and why shouldn’t it have been? I allowed their pretend redemption for literal years. A cycle I started when I didn’t love myself, one that continued when I shed my self-loathing. I’m sweet, but I have my limits. Their remorse was inauthentic, many of them narcissist who loved the game. Allowing them chance after chance established a foundation of boundary breaking and disrespect. I deserve better than that.
Yes, they still miss me, because I’m an amazing friend who was taken for granted. The feeling however isn’t mutual. Is someone in your life saying “sorry” only to hurt you and repeat the process? Are you someone who does this? Why? Via: Feelings Bleed
And in the end,
We are all just humans
Drunk on the idea
Could heal our
Poem: Christopher Poindexter
Photographer: Kali Spitzer
First Monday of the year and our first full week in 2021! Don’t bite off more than you can chew. I think that’s the biggest way to bomb a resolution, taking on too much, suddenly it’s a chore and not a positive change. Take baby steps, don’t give up completely because of a setback and no matter what see it through. Unless it’s not working out and you really need to trash it, do what’s best for your wellbeing. Which Dunder Mifflin lady is your Monday spirit animal? Via: Kevins World Famous Chili
Last year purchasing a Passion Planner in the cutest blush pink was a waste of money for obvious reasons. With a new year just around the river bend my mind oscillated on whether it was worth getting another one. Embracing the lull of 2020, I knew there was something god wanted to teach us all, I didn’t fight the tide. My sleeping hours got all scrambled, naps became frequent, at one point I stopped exercising for a month and forgot what wearing jeans was like, amongst other things. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to let it all go with reason, when we’ve spent years keeping it together. In the final weeks of whatever the fuck that was I snapped.
Yes, if you know me, I did it in my scream chant voice.
2020 wasn’t going to turn me into something I’m not, or shape my future with the fear of uncertainty any longer.
I’m a to-do list bitch, devoted to my eraser board with it’s assortment of washable markers. I relish in the act of removing a task only to add another, creating outlines, or color coordinating my planner. I crave structure, crave it dammit. It makes me happy, it keeps me productive, I’m more thorough in my work and it soothes my anxiety regarding time. There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, yeah I need to find a balance, but if I saw one more error on this website that could have been corrected if I scheduled and paid attention I was going to flip out.
Not only did I order another planner, but I am committed to fully utilizing it (markers, stickers, polaroids…). In fact I’m committing to all of my passions big, or small. Even though it doesn’t sound like a big deal it totally is, it’s like playing a character instead of being your true self. If someone doesn’t like you, your feelings aren’t hurt because this isn’t who you really are.
Being non-committal prevents a bruised ego, so it seems. “Oh well I didn’t try that hard anyways.” Nobody wants to put in 100 percent for a fall through and be labeled a failure, but that’s no way to live. For one, you will never succeed at anything and unknowingly you’re manifesting your fears. You create your reality and if things don’t work out take the lesson and elevate. Plus you’ve already failed at everything you’ve ever done, that’s how you learned to master reading, writing, language, eating, etc…Be honest with yourself, are you half ass-ing engagements to prevent disappointment in the outcome? Via: Passion Planner
Just remember you are a home
To a soul that needs rest
And sleep and soft words
You are someones else’s
Memory, friend, family
You are a stranger’s glance
A cashier’s conversation
A waiter’s last patron
You are an atom that exists
In a world constantly on the move
You deserve to value yourself
The way the sky values the moon.
Poet: Courtney Peppernell
Artist: Matthew Stone (Rings Of Saturn)
Mother says- she hesitated uncertainly- mother says that two souls are sometimes created together and- and in love before they’re born.
Via: Toxic Kids Mag
Feel how you feel. Let your emotions come and let your emotions go. Just don’t let them overtake you. Forcing positivity when you aren’t feeling your best is unhealthy and detrimental to your wellbeing. Cathartic release is the shit. What’s pushing you to your wits end currently? Via: HowAreYou QuestionMark
Reminiscing on Fridays past. I miss being that person who answered allegations of madness with one of two responses:
- Well did you die? You’re still alive right? So what are you complaining about.
- You’ve known me for how long? At this point you know what I’m about. You have yourself to blame.
Definitely a year to reflect on all we took for granted. What do you miss about your weekends that you can’t do now? Via: Sick Feelingz