Anyway, ni hao
Who the fuck told bitches they was me now?
ADULTHOOD IS A S#!%SHOW
Yes, there was a rap war this week featuring Cardi B and Nicki Minaj, along with City Girl’s JT. I barely kept up with it, but did quote Nicki Minaj, which wasn’t shade, or siding. I always quote Young Money, because they have the best lines for your enemies, haters and self-love. Somehow they always convey my exact feelings. Always.
Plus Nicki and Cardi are New Yorkers, they’re never going to get it together together. We hold grudges til the end, unless amends are made properly (read New Yorkers Who Will Curse You Out). Being a punk, being fake, disrespect, those are the laws we abide by here. That’s why I told that nigga Mick Jagger, “I don’t want to check bitches tell em wear their Nike’s,” cause I’m finna beat his ass. Period. I also quoted her when discussing the evidence amassed incriminating him and his mediocre, racist, weird, psychopath family and that ugly bitch who murdered L’wren Scott. “Rule number one to be a boss ass bitch. Never let a clown nigga try to play you.” He’s going to JAIL, his family to hell after. Idgaf.
I also quote Cardi, Drake, and Lil Wayne. Which artist do you quote most often? Via: DrakeTheGoat86
1. 50 Cent– Now this list is in NO particular order because I couldn’t rank em, everyone here is quick to the draw. Hell hath no fury like a New Yorkers tongue when irate, anybody can get cursed out, deadass. Curtis Jackson can’t go three days without coming for someone. He singlehandedly ruined Ja Rule’s career and continues to antagonize him to this day. After the Fyre Festival footage -it’s not fraud, we just didn’t tell the truth- it’s hard to blame him and the last thing you wanna do is owe this nigga money; he will publicly behead you for all the world to see, just ask Randell Emmett and Tierra Marie. What I wanna know is when, where and how was he dispensing these loans? One day I woke up and 100 people owed him money by Monday. Don’t come for him unless he sends for you, he has no problem being petty and he will do it in public setting.
2. Nicki Minaj- She’ll drag you at a fashion event, an award show, in a rap song, on social media and at the Real Housewives Of Potomac reunion. With Miss Minaj anybody can get the business anywhere including the entire secret Grammy committee. Long story short she doesn’t give a fuck and while I was dubious about her taking Andy’s spot that preview got me sipping tea henny. Andy Cohen is messy for this one and I quote “I can’t take sides, but you can. Say what you feel.” I swear this man is just chef’s kiss. Never forget her asking Miley what’s good, be grateful her beefs with Lil Kim, Remy Ma and Cardi B are over and be aware that if she don’t got time she’ll make it to read you.
3. The Real Housewives Of New York City- Speaking of housewives no franchise comes close to the curse out of this cast, an accurate depiction of New Yorkers. Unlike their Beverly Hills counterpart nobody is beating around the bush when matters get legal. Luann couldn’t even slip out of a pair of handcuffs and abuse the cops without commentary, mind you she was pushed over the edge by rake Tom D’agostino for whom she sacrificed her title. I do not think she’s an alcoholic she had a mental breakdown, rightfully so! I digress. When it comes to beheading Bethenny Frankel is QUEEN: talk about it, go to sleep, village idiot, her confessionals, noted, Ramona Singer, honestly everyone’s gotten it from this one. Next would be Dorinda Medley, bring her back! Clip, when she’s drunk stay out of her line of sight, especially if you’re Sonja Morgan. She’s the most gangster housewife even when she’s making it nice. Rounding it out is Luann even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes , Sonja, then Ramona with Leah not far behind.
Unlike other housewives they said what they meant and meant what they said, are even willing to double down on it, what about it bitch…?
4. Cam’ron– Aka Killa Cam, much like Curtis he cannot get through a week without cursing someone out, usually with photo evidence such as dirt on the toilet seat. He ain’t afraid to at you and he will pull up on your block. Harlem World. The only time he will remain silent, as he informed Anderson Cooper in one of my favorite interviews of all time, is if you’re a serial killer. In that case no snitching, he won’t call the cops if the killer lives next door, but he will move out. I fucking love Dipset. Iconic like this look.
5. Judge Judy- This woman needs NO introduction she was the highest paid television personality for decades due to her analogies, metaphors and similes. Don’t piss on her leg and tell her it’s raining. Does it look like she was born yesterday? In her courthouse, you never know who is going to get cursed out, or when. All you know is nobody is safe except the bailiff, not the plaintiff, not the defendant, and certainly not the silent witness waiting to be called on. Her rulings are final and based on emotions. I’ve seen her totally rule in favor of the wrong party, just because it’s what she felt in her soul. Don’t rub her the wrong way, she’ll dismiss your case, add money to the claim, scream at you, then kick you the hell out. Overall I’ve actually learned a lot from her tbh. Never change Judge Judy, may everyone who stands before cower in fear of the unknown.
6. Cardi B- Be it Nicki Minaj, the government, Offset, the cops arresting Offset, her fans, everyone on twitter, Republicans and Republicoons alike, Cardi B gonna give it to you Okurrrr. Please note if you have beef with her it’s forever. Pulling up isn’t a problem, she will leave with a lump on her head and a missing shoe, but she gonna say what she gotta say. Period. She is a member of the Bloods, meaning she’s not only about her bag, but about that life.
7. Gossip Girl- The original version thanks. Yes they’re fictional, but they represent surviving New York schooling so well in terms of social scheming. That signature toughness starts somewhere and no one seeks vengeance like an Upper East Sider, we aren’t afraid of warfare, collateral damage and will turn if you betray us. Chuck, Blair, Nate, Serena and Lily who put her sister in jail never looking back, are tops when it comes to slaying someone verbally. It be’s like that. Being a punk is seen as weakness, if someone steps to you handle it. Real talk Blair Waldorf beats everybody else obvy.
Long story short New Yorkers, especially natives will curse you out in the blink of an eye ask any tourist, google any subway fight, come visit and piss someone off. You don’t wanna play with us deadass we’ll bring the smoke. Which one is your spirit animal? Who did I miss? Via: 50 Cents Official, Nicki Minaj Clips, Bravo Obsessed UK, Bistro Radio, Judge Judy Sheindlin, CairdiB & Gossip Girll
Told you so.
Kanye West went to Haiti to see if he could find something on me, because I’m Haitian. After his family lied to people telling them I was doing black magic, I don’t need to do that. Only Satanist partake in such rituals. And look what happened.
Anyone who is connected to that family, liking their pictures, hanging out with them, wearing their stuff, any energetic ties without my protection, is going with them. Even if I am protecting you from going to hell with them, something bad WILL happen to you. The kurse is spreading like I said, because the devil’s come to collect. People make all these deals, exchanges, failing to realize there’s always a catch. The devil is friends with no one. That also goes for aligning with people of their nature, from the main racist families, something bad will happen to you. We are just at the beginning, it will catch you all. Boo hoo bitches, I told you. Look through the information I already gave ages ago. Can you think of other people who have had tragedy strike? Nicki’s dad amongst other things going wrong with her, everything about Chrissy Teigen, everything about Donald Trump…I mean you do the math. No really use your brain for once. P.S: you guys are lucky I’m telling you in the first place. I’m good, you’re not. Another prophecy came to me, it chills me to the bone. You guys don’t listen anyways, so good luck. Via: Haitian Times & Baller Alert
Via: Aaronya Paintss
There’s no one way to be black. You are literally a product of your environment. People are always thrown off by me, because they can’t pinpoint me through their stereotypes. Look at people through the filter of their experiences. Have you been quick to judge someone based on their appearance rather than their experiences? Top: Bold Melanin Bottom: Choo Choo Chia
When it comes to stealing flows
These birds is fluent
But they stutter when
Get asked about the queen’s influence
When it’s clear they bite me
I’m just flattered they like me
I don’t wanna check bitches
Tell them wear their Nike’s.
Puberty hit early for me. I developed in the fourth grade and contrary to my own beliefs, I was a double d by eighth. However breast are irrelevant, this is about the bum. Here are five problems only Big Booty Judy’s understand:
The Accused: Where’s the remote? Where’s my cellphone? Let the persecution begin. There you are minding your business, when a disgruntle, frustrated searcher demands you stand up. Get up, you’re probably sitting on it. Personally offended. “I’m so sick of you guys accusing me, I would feel it. It’s not always under my butt!” Get up, they say stoic and certain.
Gravitational Force: Yes bitch, you were sitting on the remote and the cellphone (been losing the controller since 97′). For some reason beyond physics, logic and comprehension, if certain items are near your bum it will disappear. That booty is a gravitational force field on it’s own. Next time, and there will be a next time, just get the hell up, you’re wrong.
Pushing Cushion: You don’t feel anything when you have all that ass. Legit the cushion feels no pushing, so you genuinely believe that there’s nothing underneath you, sometimes you don’t even feel an ass slap.
Belted Bum: Finding a pair of pants that fits your donk, dope! Until you realize how much space is in the waist. Tailoring your jeans becomes a must if you’re not a belt owner. My trick is buying jeans from Uniqlo, they are like denim jeggings that contort to your shape. If you have any other brands that do this let me know.
Cheeky Short Shorts: Those cute cutoffs that small to flat booty girls wear are a no for you boo boo. When you have a lot of back those types of shorts make you look hookerish, for lack of a better word. In some instances it works, at the beach, maybe a cookout, never with kids or cops around. Lest you look like you’re soliciting.
Did I miss anything? What would you add to this list? Photo: Nicki Minaj
A couple wet wipes
Case a bum try
To touch me.
Name that tune?